BFI LFF 2012: Beasts of the Southern Wild / Wolf Children

My final post on the 2011 London Film Festival was one of the hardest ones I’ve written, due to a minor meltdown experienced at two screenings as I struggled to comprehend what I was seeing. Jiang Wen’s Let The Bullets Fly and Daisuke Tengan’s Dendera were baffling artifacts, so tied in with the culture and history of China and Japan that to an outsider they appeared impenetrable, and attempts to parse them were fraught with the risk of insensitivity and misunderstanding. This blog has been only sporadically updated since then, with most of the reviews focusing on nerd cinema; these are the things I feel comfortable talking about.

Which meant this year’s festival was bound to create a similar problem, as the line-up of films included a number of films from Japan, South Korea, Spain and France that would throw up the risk of foolish misinterpretation. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to make of Alain Resnais’ You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet, a film by a filmmaker with a bold style I have never experienced due to philistinism, centred on a performance of a Jean Anouilh play I haven’t read which reinterprets a myth I only half remember from childhood. Writing about that will likely be an exercise in being as vague as possible in order to cover my own ass (“Great performances!”).

The American and British films I selected felt like surer bets that would give me the confidence to keep going through this exercise; I know these cultures, I understand the history, I can relax while talking about Argo or Seven Psychopaths or Sightseers or John Dies At The End because they will be more on my wavelength. So consider me deeply nonplussed to walk out of Benh Zeitlin and Lucy Alibar’s Beasts of the Southern Wild with a massive question mark filling my head like an inflatable lilo. What the hell did I just see? How much of the symbolism made any sense to me? How was I going to be able to write about it? The doubt that gripped me after Dendera came back with an unwelcome rush.

I think I know what my problem is. The plot, such as it is, revolves around a small and defiantly isolationist community living in what is known as the Bathtub, a fictional patch of land on the wrong side of a levee. The protagonist is a young girl called Hushpuppy (played with wonderfully bratty enthusiasm by Quvenzhané Wallis), whose tempestuous personality clashes with that of her similarly aggressive father Wink (excellent work from Dwight Henry). The people of The Bathtub live in horrifying poverty, adapting to their surroundings by cobbling together bits and pieces, turning the area into something akin to a bayou-based version of a Mad Max frontier town. There is much carousing and celebrating of life.

A storm changes everything, and Hushpuppy struggles to comprehend the vastness of the events around her. The Bathtub floods, and Wink falls ill, forcing her to translate these moments through a kind of child-logic that allows her to create a narrative for what is happening, involving Aurochs (ancient beasts thawed from the ice that has melted at the polar caps), alien-like interlopers from the other side of the levee, and a trip across what resembles the river Styx to “find” her dead mother in the hopes of making right a world that has gone horribly wrong. Or is it her interpretation? Is this world really ours, or is this a window into a magical parallel universe (not a question asked in the film; this is my own question to myself that is ultimately irrelevant)?

This all seems pretty straightforward when written down, but the discombobulation I experienced was overwhelming. The story is told in such a ramshackle, unconventional manner that it feels like Zeitlin and Alibar are painting outside the lines of what we expect from a narrative. Scenes unfold with seemingly no rhyme of reason, usually involving raucous celebrations around food and booze, fractured and essentially pointless but also crucial in building up a sense of the tight community. Whenever it moves beyond these scenes it feels less a three-act McKee placation vehicle, more a quest narrative (reminiscent of the first half of Winter’s Bone), only this time one in which the protagonist takes a long time to figure out what she’s looking for. Once Hushpuppy and her three companions show up in “Elysian Fields” the movie’s structure comes into a much clearer focus.

The other reasons for confusion are more technical. Apologies for bringing up such churlish complaints, but the low budget and the stylistic choice to capture the performances in a chaotic style make following the movie a headache in more ways than one. Zeitlin chose not to look at dailies until the shooting was over, and I can’t help but wonder if he should have. At times Ben Richardson’s 16mm photography catches mesmerising images that shoot straight to the heart; a fireworks party and a lesson in how to catch fish are quite beautiful. However, many other scenes look like they were shot by attaching a cameraphone to the back of a cat and then setting off a firecracker behind it. The image whips back and forth, reducing the movie to an incomprehensible smear. If you’ve ever complained about shakycam before, be warned.

Even more frustrating is the voiceover by Wallis which, through no fault of her own, is drowned out by the (excellent, emotive) score by Zeitlin and Dan Romer. The mixing on the movie is not great, which is a shame as there is some fascinating sound design to be found under the thunderous score. As Wallis’ voiceover is crucial in explaining the details of Hushpuppy’s complicated self-constructed mythology, losing pieces of it here and there lead to frustration. These are technical problems that seem too small to complain about, and harping on such things seems antithetical to a review of the movie’s artistic intentions, its emotional successes and failures, but meeting it on its own terms felt impossible when my ears strained for details and a million whip-pans reduced the film to the equivalent of a landscape flashing past a train window, gone before the audience can register where they are.

But then should I be viewing the movie as a mood piece, allowing the many peculiarities of the plot to trickle over me as if I were experiencing Hushpuppy’s dream, ignoring the concerns of the real world as I know them and giving myself over to her viewpoint? Maybe so, and things improved once I stopped thinking about how the events of the movie would be impossible in our world; a confusion caused by the profusion of real, recognisable things and themes in what is essentially a fantastical place. This is as strange a land as anything found in any of Neil Gaiman’s children’s fantasies, but is formed of such unrecognisable and original story beats that it trumps the products of Gaiman’s repetitive fantasy template hands down.

Nevertheless this was a frustrating experience, simply because falling into the dream-state was stymied by the execution. Call that the complaint of a pampered film buff unable to accept that low-budget movies don’t have infinite resources to draw upon; I won’t argue. But despite the challenging structure, the obvious and commendable ambition, and the high-levels of original detail here, without being able to sink into the world depicted here because of the frustrations of the way it is filmed, it is merely a movie I can admire and be grateful for, filled with lovely moments and a memorable atmosphere, without ever really wanting to revisit or ponder. And that’s a crying shame. We need more films like this, desperately, to break the grip of formula. We just need them to be made more clearly, and (literally) with more focus.

BotSW has been highly praised all year, which means I stand outside the critical consensus. The extension cord for the electrical charge that lit up those other critics just didn’t reach me, or the voltage was DC and I’m AC, or something. #MetaphorBreakdown Perhaps this was down to seeing it on the wrong day, because just a few hours earlier we watched Mamoru Hosoda’s Okami kodomo no ame to yuki (aka Wolf Children), and compared to that, Zeitlin and Alibar’s movie didn’t stand a chance. While critics were captivated by the grimy shanty town fantasia, this anime, the first from Hosoda’s newly formed Studio Chizu, gripped us both from the very first scene. It slotted into my brain with a click like a N64 cartridge, and nothing I saw the same day could compete.

It’s very rare for it to happen, for a movie to transport me so quickly from my seat into another world, but within just a few minutes I found myself struggling to control my emotions. Hosoda’s previous film, the excellent genealogy/cyberpunk drama Summer Wars, was sweet and clever and sentimental, but didn’t move me the way this deceptively simple and emotional tale did, to the point that I found myself battling tears for the majority of its running time. His mastery of tone and pace were so confident and complete that it was hard not to start yelling praise at the screen whenever he did something perfectly right. BotSW was an interesting, sometimes impressive movie, but I felt like an observer. Watching Wolf Children felt like being wrapped inside a warm duvet, like being hugged by a loving parent. It was simply overwhelming.

That absurd, over-the-top analogy has some connection to the film, at least; I’m not going mad. Hosoda and co-screenwriter Satoko Okudera’s tale depicts the life of a young student, Hana, who meets and falls in love with a mysterious man who is the only living descendant of the now-extinct Honshū wolf, and can transform between two states of being. They have two children, Yuki and Ame, before tragedy befalls them and Hana is forced to raise her unruly hybrid children without attracting the attention of those who would fail to understand her predicament. Soon she is forced to abandon her studies and leave the city to make a life for her family in the country, and much of the film shows her struggle to bring up her children and make a living in a new environment, finding a place there in a way that is reminiscent of Summer Wars‘ focus on community and family.

It’s a straightforward narrative, following the first few years of Yuki and Ame’s lives as they learn how to control (or not control) their animal natures as their mother tries to raise them correctly from a position of confusion and ignorance, before they reach an age in which they can make decisions for themselves. The fantastical elements are slight compared to similar movies about raising children and their first steps to freedom, such as Pixar’s Monsters Inc. and the Toy Story trilogy, which touch on similar subjects from a weirder place. But that relative directness, that gossamer-thin metaphorical veneer, doesn’t diminish Wolf Children‘s emotional charge. The result is a work of incredible honesty, blunt simplicity, and devastating power.

The imagery used by Hosoda is of such clarity that it felt like it was formed of some bizarre psychological trickery designed to cut right to my core. The first moment we see Hana’s lover transform into a wolf is so matter of fact and yet simultaneously magical that I began to weep at its uncomplicated, stark beauty. Ditto his final scene, a wrenching moment which clearly sets out the solitude Hana has to endure from then on; it pole-axed me for the next half an hour in which I desperately tried not to fall apart. By the time Yuki and Ame experience snow for the first time, I was a wreck. And the last fifteen minutes? The only things in recent memory that have hit me as hard are Up and Toy Story 3. I’d happily place this masterwork in their esteemed company.

I almost feel bad for the makers of Beasts of the Southern Wild, that I should come to it with my face still hot from the meltdown I had just experienced. Their movie shows a world in decay, with people struggling to find their place and protect it, with all the attendant strife that goes with it. The relationship between Hushpuppy and Wink is well-drawn but grating, as both father and daughter stubbornly resist each other, leading to exhausting conflict which builds to an earned denouement. Hana, on the other hand, is a strong woman who sacrifices everything to raise her two wolf children, and her quiet dignity, and her pain over the loss she has experienced, is depicted with little fanfare that nevertheless tore me up inside; a scalpel compared to BotSW‘s chainsaw.

It is all parenthood distilled into a bittersweet experience, and though I wouldn’t expect everyone who watches it to react the same way, the two other people I know who have seen it — Daisyhellcakes and friend-of-the-blog Anne Billson — were similarly reduced to sobbing wrecks. Praise is due to Hosoda and Satoku Okudera, and especially Takagi Masakatsu, whose glorious, delicate score has instantly become my favourite of the year and should have him mentioned in the same breath as the incredible Joe Hisaishi (I’m listening to the soundtrack now and am blubbing all over the keyboard). Their work here is worthy of awards; how wonderful it would be to see them at least nominated for a Best Animated Feature Academy Award, though I doubt it’ll happen.

If this all seems too hyperbolic, or obviously the words of someone in the grip of some kind of personal crisis, feel free to take it with a pinch of salt. It’s okay, I won’t be offended. But this is a movie everyone should see; you owe it to yourselves. Criminally it has yet to be released worldwide except in a few markets (including France, oddly enough). Hopefully it will receive some attention now, and international distribution will follow. It’s easily the highlight of the festival so far, and one of the very best movies released this year.

This Dark Knight’s Not For Shrugging

A few weeks ago I did what I thought only ever happened in movies; I snapped awake from a nightmare, drenched in sweat, heart pounding. The usual dreadscapes of monsters, insects, and rampant unexpected public nudity had been replaced by atypically sober horrors, wherein I walked in on Daisyhellcakes, distressed, as she watched the news showing President Obama conceding an electoral loss to Mitt Romney. I was as grateful for waking life as I am when I dream of being arrested or getting lost in New York. At least for now, the US doesn’t have to go through what the UK is currently going through, and that’s good, even with an economy as unhealthy as this one.

Because if Romney and his Randian conspirator Paul Ryan (one man with two first names, another with none) gets into the White House, the US will go through something similar to what is happening in the UK, except turbo-charged in that uniquely American way. The UK is watching aghast as the Conservative – Liberal Democrat coalition begins to take apart the welfare state under the guise of economy-restoring austerity. Well, I say Conservative – Liberal Democrat coalition, but right now it feels as if the Tories, pretending to be operating under a mandate, are desperately looting the country and selling off huge chunks of it before their coalition falls apart while the Lib-Dems stand by like a clone army of Neville Chamberlains, their only contribution to occasionally clear their throats to say, “About that House of Lords reform…”

A Romney-Ryan win would see the US welfare apparatus attacked too, except that while the Tories are breaking bits off and handing them under the table to the titans of industry, the two Rs would just drop a nanobomb on society like Cobra in the hit Channing Tatum film G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, before dusting the debris off their very expensive jackets and saying, “Job done. Another liger blood daiquiri?” Rest assured it will happen. The Right are thrilled because whenever the populace is scared enough, the sociopaths with their leather-bound copies of Atlas Shrugged[1] will be able to do whatever they want, and no one seems able or willing to oppose them. A society distracted by fear, oppressed by the terror of imminent economic collapse, can be made to do anything.

Yes, this is a review of The Dark Knight Rises – or at least a brain-dump about how my feelings about it have evolved from anticipation to reflection — but there’s a reason why the movie chimed so strongly with me, and why that nightmare rattled me so thoroughly. Christopher Nolan has stated that he has not included specific political messages in his movies, preferring to add ideas that resonate before letting the audience make their own minds up. Certainly The Dark Knight felt like a response to 9/11 and the War on Terror, with Batman creating a surveillance device that so offended saintly Lucius Fox that he threatened to quit Wayne Enterprises, and the Joker representing an unpredictable and implacable terrorist boogeyman determined to undermine the psyche of Gotham’s populace.[2]

However, the conclusion to the trilogy very quickly inspired a take on the movie’s politics that troubled me greatly. Catherine Shoard’s demolition of the movie as pro-capitalist, in which she rightly brings up the difficult fact that Bruce Wayne is able to become a crimefighter using inherited wealth to fund his activities in order to save the underprivileged from themselves, worried me in the days leading up to the release of TDKR.[3] Shots in the trailer showing the rich being pulled out of hiding by baying mobs were shot by Nolan and Wally Pfister to look like a kind of dystopian nightmare, and the thought of a Batman movie making an explicit plea for sympathy for the robber barons in the face of out-of-control populism concerned me.

The Occupy movement doesn’t create the same headlines it once did. Updates on protests still pop up in my Twitter feed from time to time, especially during the recent one year anniversary, but for now the novelty seems to have worn off and the media has moved on. Nevertheless the populist anger against the money men remains even if now belittled and treated as a failure, and there are still many who hold out hope that the movement could conceivably hold the germ of a nationwide philosophical realignment on a par with the populist movement during the (last) Great Depression. The thought of one of the most anticipated movies of the year dismissing this movement as the rule of the mob depressed me beyond words.

The stories that make a difference inspire hope, not despair, which is why the possibility that TDKR might seek to demonise the Occupy movement was so upsetting. We don’t need their battle to be any harder than it already is. Occupy’s potential for success is precarious, the odds against it altering society for the better so large because of the monolithic corporate power ranged against it, that a kind of derangement has set in with some voices on the left who have even, shamefully, taken to shouting down feminists who dare to call for Julian Assange to be extradited to Sweden over the rape charges against him, his worst supporters taking on a tenor of desperation as if to say, “Don’t you see how close we are to bringing the evil empire down? You uppity bitches are ruining everything!” Seriously, fuck these clowns.[4]

On first viewing, head filled with tragic reports from the horrifying shooting in Aurora and the comparatively trivial worries that The Dark Knight Rises was going to be a letdown on an artistic level, it was impossible to concentrate on it. The only thing to break through the mental block was the bravura finale[5], but my reaction was nevertheless muted, which I attributed at the time to the continued post-Avengers lull I’ve felt since April[6]. It was only upon seeing it again in full IMAX that I was able to figure out what I thought of it, and to work through concerns about the seemingly superfluous digressions and complications in the plot that had irked first time around, and to decide if it truly was the “audaciously capitalist vision” that Shoard suggested.

The misunderstanding that has tainted some takes on The Dark Knight Rises is that Bane represents Anarchy, that the League of Shadows are anarchists, and that the movie is a depiction of the futility and ugliness of the Anarchist credo. The capitalist system and its framework of government, if removed and replaced by “Bane-archy” (sorry), will inevitably lead to mob rule, and the collapse of society as we know it. Even to anyone who has reservations about the capitalist system, the thought of wealth being not redistributed but effectively destroyed and replaced with barbarism by the idiotic, conscience-free mob is a terrifying one, and the scenes of the people of Gotham baying for blood are truly nightmarish.

However, Anarchy has once more been misinterpreted by almost everyone, except Chris and Jonathan Nolan, who are well aware that Anarchy is not a lack of “government” or the destruction of society, but a political philosophy in which the people can become responsible enough and engaged enough that they do not need to be governed from above through fear or coercion, and can look after themselves and create a functioning society out of civic virtue and co-operation. The League of Shadows wants nothing more than the destruction of all of communal, supportive society, holding to a kind of cultist idea that our world is corrupt and evil, seeking to destabilise the world and stymie progress at every turn[7]. This isn’t about fairness or justice; The League have more in common with a kind of militant nihilism than true virtuous anarchy.

Bane pretends that he is freeing the citizens of Gotham from the shackles of society; killing the mayor, trapping the police in a prison resembling the one that he was once trapped in so that he can break their spirits, and closing the people off from the rest of the world (i.e. a militia paradise of no government, destruction of the loathed Feds, and total isolationism). However, the deadly mobs we see in the movie, though they certainly would contain many citizens of Gotham, are formed behind a phalanx of armed prisoners released from Blackgate Prison. What we see is not Gotham spontaneously turning into a violent hate-mob; we see a terrified populace staying at home in large numbers under fear of nuclear annihilation, while the worst of them run riot.

This is not freedom. The rule of law is removed, and replaced with the fear of imminent death. Trap a rat in a cage and it’ll become as angry as Billy Corgan. Basically, Bane has turned Gotham into a city ravaged by the idiocy and fear of a gang of violent, vengeful and perpetually aggrieved Billy Corgans, while the virtuous of the city — the Kurt Cobains of abstention, if you will — stay at home, off the streets, living in terror. And yet pundits continue to argue that this is an attack on Occupy. A bunch of tent-dwelling Engel-quoting sweethearts whose most violent act would probably be slamming their MacBook Air shut after reading a contentious Wall Street Journal op-ed? If anything, the militant forces roaming the streets of Gotham represent the Tea Party. They’re the ones praying for the dismantling of the state that so “oppresses” them, in favour of a return to “survival of the fittest” chaos[8].

These were the many metaphors in The Dark Knight Rises that I was trying to parse and juggle through my first viewing in an attempt to reassure myself that one of my favourite filmmakers wasn’t going to take one of the most impressive movie franchises of all time and betray the message of hope from the second installment, choosing instead to churn out propaganda that would misrepresent an attempt to hold our leaders to account in order to help stabilise or celebrate a corrupt strata of power. The problem in approaching this movie as a patchwork of topical themes about government, law enforcement, terrorism and economic populism is that those themes exist alongside a complex but elegant narrative in which the characters can be seen to represent those themes but more importantly — obviously — represent themselves. By ignoring the human story I disappeared down a rabbit hole of interpretation, and my enjoyment was the casualty.[9]

If Nolan doesn’t see himself as a political filmmaker, merely as someone who is aware of modern politics and wishes to use them as a single shade in his artistic palette[10], we can either ignore him and parse this movie with a copy of Jonathan Wolff’s Introduction to Political Philosophy in one hand and a signed picture of Noam Chomsky in the other, or we can take him at his word and take or leave the politics, which means we can focus on the characters and their stories. The second viewing of TDKR, in IMAX[11] revealed a tapestry of character arcs that echoed that of Bruce Wayne’s journey from spiritual death to life, and initial concerns about the meandering plot were washed away. This is a precisely tooled movie; the longer runtime is not a consequence of flabby editing but of ambition, and even if, like me, you think The Dark Knight is superior, this will be a movie to revisit and explore many times over.

Also, as someone who is in the middle of writing a trilogy of books (in one go, like an idiot), it’s pleasing to see this as a single movie but even more so as a part of a larger whole, with Bruce Wayne/Gotham going through three individual arcs and one master arc that resolves problems posed right at the beginning of the first film.[12] Nolan’s genius move here is the flashback that occurs while Bruce Wayne is recovering in the prison, back to the moment where he sees his father descend into the pit to save him. We realise Bruce is still in the pit, literally in the sense of the prison in which he has been placed, and figuratively in that he never really escaped the pit in the first movie. His father rescues him, before being murdered, after which Bruce carries the fear he experienced in the pit with him, even cloaking himself in a costume based on the bats that appeared at that moment.

Alfred has been telling Bruce this all the way through the series, and much to my own annoyance these scenes with Michael Caine never really struck home until I realised that the main arc of The Dark Knight trilogy was Bruce saving himself[13]. In the comics Bruce Wayne can never recover, but here Nolan fixes the man, and everything that happens in the trilogy is about him finding peace, as well as his own way. To do that he has to be broken down (literally), to lose everything that his father has given him, so that he can finally step out of the shadow as his own man. The buffers (Alfred, Wayne Enterprises, his financial resources) are gone, he’s returned to the pit, and he conquers fear, the failures of his body, and the consequences of his arguably misguided decision to fight crime as a shadowy monster, but this time without the crutch of his inheritance and his father’s legacy.

Of course Bruce can only fix himself once he has fixed Gotham, and this has been an ongoing process through the films, but as Robert McKee would probably applaud, his subsequent adventures are instigated by the mistakes he makes. In the first he establishes himself as a protector of Gotham, hoping that his example would inspire the people of Gotham to take responsibility for their city. This obviously fails, even though he defeats and kills Ra’s al Ghul (an act of omission — saving Ra’s from the monorail — is as bad as an act itself, surely). This sets up a problem in the second movie — the crap vigilantes he has to keep stopping, not to mention the escalation of the Joker’s plans — and the third — Talia and Bane’s revenge against Batman and the city Ra’s wanted to destroy.

Of course this also sets in motion Bruce and Gotham’s salvation. In the second movie Harvey Dent rises to Batman’s challenge, and the people of Gotham reject the Joker’s terrible plan. Then Dent goes insane and the only thing Batman and Commissioner Gordon can do is cover it up, a mistake that sets up the events of the third movie. This lie rots under their achievement, and as a result Gotham is still corrupted even in peace. The police are arrogant idiots who won’t take expertise seriously, due process is ignored, the Wayne Enterprises board is still polluted with the presence of Daggett[14] and Talia, the distribution of wealth is still skewed horribly (and this time without the interference of the League of Shadows, as pointed out in the first movie), and the Mayor is eager to get rid of Gordon because he’s short-sighted. The complacency and corruption are still there, and the poor still suffer.

Bane and Talia arrive to wreak vengeance on the things that destroyed Ra’s al Ghul, and cause their own undoing; they make their enemies follow the path they once walked, thinking it will either kill them or break their spirit. Their hubris is borne of their lack of imagination, and the typical arrogance that they and only they could survive such an ordeal due to their inherent superiority — that Randian, “We Built It” overconfidence shown by Mitt Romney and his Tea Party followers fully in view. But they don’t count on Bruce’s eagerness to transcend the limits of his body and soul, nor Bruce’s final realisation that, as Alfred and Bane point out, all he has done since his father’s death is carelessly chase his own demise. In that sense Bane rescues Bruce from a brink we didn’t even realise he stood on, freeing him from his fear and self-destructive urges (I doubt I’m the only person who was reminded of Bresson’s Un condamné à mort s’est échappé ou Le vent souffle où il veut during this sequence).

As for the police, their complacency is thoroughly shook up, and their charge at the end of the movie, after escaping from the facsimile of the pit created by Bane, is the moment in which they reclaim their purpose, united against a true foe without the complications of politics, as shown by the heroism of Foley, who finally abandons his ambition for a greater good. The visceral nature of this battle removes all ambiguity or doubt from the minds of Gotham’s heroes, even to the extent of resolving Selina Kyle’s stance. She finds herself lost in a world without structure, merely surviving, disappointed that the collapse she predicted did not bring about the utopia she imagined. Her decision to stay in Gotham at the end is as much a fight for the world she once hated as it is an act of heroism, though she flippantly dismisses any such suggestion. The storm she wanted came and all it left behind was chaos. Inspired by Batman’s selfless fight to not only preserve society but improve it, she turns to the side of good.

John Blake was already there, and spends the whole movie struggling against the corruption that stays his hand. His crisis of faith intensifies after Gordon’s hand in the Dent lie (aka Patriot Act) is revealed by Bane, and Blackgate is exposed as Gotham’s equivalent of  Guantanamo Bay (an institution that, if this bit of trivia is to be believed, attracts the outrage of Gotham’s public in the same way Gitmo does).

BLAKE
These men, locked up in Blackgate for eight years, denied parole under the Dent Act. Based on a lie.
GORDON
A lie to keep a city from burning to the ground. Gotham needed a hero, someone to believe in -
BLAKE
Not as much as it does now. But you betrayed everything you stood for.
GORDON
There’s a point. Far out there. When the structures fail you. When the rules aren’t weapons anymore, they’re shackles, letting the bad get ahead. Maybe one day you’ll have such a moment of crisis. And in that moment, I hope you have a friend like I did. To plunge their hands into the filth so you can keep yours clean.
BLAKE
Your hands look pretty filthy to me, Commissioner.

Gordon’s decision to double-down on deceit follows the pattern in which the police force in Dark Knight is riddled with corrupt cops, a fact stubbornly ignored by Gordon even when Harvey Dent challenges him on it. This corruption was never resolved, which is why Blake becomes so frustrated under the incompetent charge of Deputy Commissioner Foley, and may be a factor in his rejection of the weapons of the police force (his disgusted reaction to the gun with which he kills the construction worker is one of the most satisfying moments in the film, and a lovely bit of foreshadowing). More importantly, it factors into his rejection of his badge when confronted with the obstinacy of the policemen guarding the bridge (it’s telling that the cop he interacts with, played by Dexter‘s Desmond Harrington, is listed in the screenplay as “Uniform”). His reaction is perfect:

GORDON
Can I change your mind about quitting the force?
BLAKE
No. What you said about structures. About shackles. I can’t take it. The injustice.

His response is to take responsibility, without heirarchical pressure or political interference, to get on with the job of continuing Batman’s work. Which is all Bruce Wayne wanted; for the people of Gotham to follow his lead, to figure out that they didn’t have to let their city fall to the corrupt, that they can hold the police or government to account, that the job of cleaning out the rot is theirs if they want it. A vigilant populace that doesn’t reject the rule of law but ensures it is maintained, one that can still be like the society of altruistic individuals coming together that they are in already, but operating with a higher purpose and greater investment in their future. As Batman says to Gordon near the end, “A hero can be anyone. That was always the point.”[15]

Just as Bane — a man forged by The Pit — represents the dark mirror image of Batman[16], Bane’s Gotham is a bleak insult to Bruce Wayne’s vision. The League of Shadows thinks only through some kind of ideological purity and training can someone become ready to forge a new world, but Batman knows anyone can take on this mantle as long as they have the right inspiration. Batman has fathered Gotham — rightly and wrongly — for years, and the only way to let it grow is by leaving the city to itself, and so he “sacrifices” himself, killing Batman but rescuing himself (which is why Nolan makes sure we know it’s Bruce who writes the autopilot software patch, not Lucius Fox), safe in the knowledge that Gotham is ready to make its own way, as he has been predicting throughout the trilogy.

This wasn’t possible earlier in the series, because a hero based on fear is as problematic as a villain who promises freedom but really just lets fear act as control. What Bruce Wayne wanted was a hero who inspired hope, as shown by his support for Harvey Dent, because he understood its transformative nature even as he built himself into a vision of terror. After all, a man consumed by fear is like the carpenter who sees every problem as a nail and every solution a hammer. Bane’s ultimate punishment is to turn that idea of a hopeful Gotham into a black vision of despair, that he could use as a weapon the thing Bruce Wayne sought to bring to the people. As he says as he monologues at Bruce in The Pit:

BANE
There is a reason that this prison is the worst hell on earth. Hope. Every man who has rotted here over the centuries has looked up to the light and imagined climbing to freedom. So simple. So easy. And, like shipwrecked men turning to sea water from uncontrollable thirst, many have died trying. I learned that there can be no true despair without hope. So as I terrorize Gotham, I will feed its people hope to poison their souls. I will let them believe they can survive so that you can watch them clamber over each other to stay in the sun. You will watch as I torture an entire city to cause you pain you thought you could never feel again. Then, when you have truly understood the depths of your failure, we will fulfill Ra’s al Ghul’s destiny. We will destroy Gotham. And when it is done…when Gotham is ashes…then you have my permission to die.[17]

Perhaps Bane’s biggest mistake, even more than putting Bruce in a world in which he can learn to be free from the cycle of hatred and self-loathing that powers his brute-force nemesis, is to turn that symbol of fear into a symbol of hope, by foolishly revealing that Batman was innocent of the crime which led Bruce to hang up his cowl, to show how dedicated Batman was to the goal of saving Gotham, allowing him to truly become the symbol of resistance that can lift up the people and the police. Thankfully Bruce isn’t the only person who knows that hope can inspire, as he does by burning the Bat symbol into a bridge to reassure the people who thought him gone. John Blake is in the depths of despair as he tries to save the busload of orphans, but even he sees the importance of keeping up the illusion of hope in front of those he seeks to protect.

BLAKE
Come on! On the bus!
FATHER REILLY
What’re you doing?
BLAKE
Protection from the blast -
FATHER REILLY
It’s an atom bomb -!
BLAKE
You think they need to hear that in their last seconds? You think I’m going to let them die without hope?

We don’t get to see Gotham become a shining beacon. We just get hints that he has made a difference. We get a statue, and Gordon’s statement that the people of Gotham know that they were saved by Batman. This inspiration may empower them to take control of their lives, that they will realise it’s up to them to monitor those who govern them, that they will be on the lookout for threats against their liberty, against society. It might not be true anarchy in the sense of a world without government or control, but it’s a lot closer to it that the faux-Anarchy forced on them by Bane. It’s self-actualisation, taking on the responsibility of protecting the world we already live in, and the people of Gotham have seen that they can save their city by following that ideal.

Which is why I can’t separate the final act of this movie from the election that worries me so much, or the government meddling in the UK. The society we live in is corrupted and bureaucratic and unjust and basically terrible much of the time, but it’s also worth saving. It’s a work in progress, and we’ve made it better over periods of time that are almost geological in size. We refine society, and it’s not easy, but that’s what we do. We move forward, together, lifting each other up and giving each other the chance to grow to a point in which they can repay that debt, contributing through taxes or accomplishment.

Right now the UK, and soon the US if the Republicans win, will roll back the clock in the name of giving people “more” responsibility. That view is merely sink or swim, allowing the money men to rule the world and create an unjust society like that seen in Gotham. While greedy assholes like Daggett try to make money by acquiring things instead of building them (a la Mitt Romney), everything else falls apart. Bruce Wayne was trying to save the world with a sustainable clean power source, but he halted it because of its potential for destruction. He knew what the world does when it’s not ready. It builds things for good reasons then sees them turned to bad. The system becomes a shackle.

But only if we let it. Big government isn’t the problem; it’s unaccountability. Government and society can be good things if properly monitored by a motivated and vigilant populace that participates in its governance, instead of giving up with a cynical shrug. The alternative is the world of the Tea Party and Bane, “freeing” a people who end up at the edge of the abyss, where any mistake they make will plunge them into the darkness. Ordinary people will be trapped between the grasping claws of the robber barons, giddily and immorally making whatever money they can, and the out-of-control and increasingly desperate criminals taking over at the bottom, because they don’t give a damn about the rules that give everyone a chance.

Anyone who has read Atlas Shrugged or The Fountainhead will recognise this vision, in which altruism is eradicated in order to create a world in which no one helps anyone else. What a desolate, miserable fantasy this is. And while the superhero genre has at its core the idea of the Übermensch, or at least diametrically opposed versions of this, with Manicheaen heroes and villains of immense power battling to save the world or control it, the idea of the superhero — the man or woman who embodies the greatest ideals of generosity and compassion, sacrifice and honour — is one that is more culturally accepted as right than the Randian hero who lives for him/herself, honours and helps no one else, and stands astride the world like an aloof, solipsistic colossus.

Yes, as Shoard says, Bruce Wayne is a titan of industry, or at least the inheritor of such. And to have him be the one to rescue Gotham plays into the idea of trickledown economics or, as here, morality. The rich, cultured, worldly hero saving the masses from themselves, the poor as children to be saved by their inherently superior bosses. But at the heart of the Batman myth, and the last movie in this trilogy, is the very kindness that so appalls Objectivists. Bruce Wayne is saved by the kindness of his parents, Alfred and Jim Gordon. John Blake escapes his fate through Wayne Enterprise’s donations to the orphanage. Bruce saves Catwoman from her cynicism by offering her a way out (the USB drive with the “Clean Slate”) before asking for her help. And it’s right there in one of the most moving exchanges in the entire trilogy:

GORDON
I never cared who you were -
BATMAN
And you were right.
GORDON
But shouldn’t the people know the hero who saved them?
BATMAN
A hero can be anyone. That was always the point. Anyone. A man doing something as simple and reassuring as putting a coat around a little boy’s shoulders to let him know that the world hadn’t ended…

Bane and Talia have been brutalised their whole lives, have been indoctrinated by Ra’s al Ghul to distrust a world they never lived in until it came time to enact their terrible plan. They have protected each other but cannot see how anyone else deserves that, or can feel the same way, treating all others as criminals, as the Other. Right now, in our world, the Coalition government in the UK is selling off the NHS — that great liberal idea — merely to profit their friends, convinced that any profit is a moral good. In the same way, the Republicans have promised to drastically transform American government in a way that would, again, only profit their friends and backers[18]. The result would be Bane’s Gotham. Those images of Faux-Anarchy shown in the Dark Knight Rises trailer, the ones that upset me so much, are visceral for a reason. It’s not an image of sympathy for the 1%; it’s a message to the rest of us. Don’t let the 1% turn us into a self-destructive hateful mob, or they’ve won. As is said in the movie:

FOLEY
I’m sorry for not taking you seriously -
GORDON
Don’t apologize for believing the world’s in better shape than it is…just fight to make it true.

This is the lesson I took from The Dark Knight trilogy.[19] There are always things worth fighting for, and though democracy is flawed and the welfare state will always attract criticism from those who see a way to make a profit from desperation and bad luck, these civilised ideas are a weapon against the erosion of society, ways to ensure that people are given the chance to forge their own future without worrying about plummeting back to the bottom of the pit. Every tiny improvement in the world is the consequence of an enormous battle, and if Occupy Wall Street didn’t radically and instantly transform society (as it never could), it is at least a movement that can plant a seed in the minds of millions, who can come together to fight for a world in which every individual can be a precious resource, if given the opportunity. The Dark Knight trilogy calls on people to recognise that the world we live in can get better, if we uncynically choose to fight for it.

Yes, my fear of this dismantled and cruel world is hysterical and hyperbolic, and I’m sure most people reading this will tell me to calm down and get a grip[20], but America has a chance to reject an argument for the privatisation of society’s best structures for the benefit of a fraction of the population. I can only atheistically pray to Crom or something that Mitt Romney, the man who wants this world to be turned into a business (as argued in Andrew Dominik’s Killing Them Softly), will find his quest for power stymied, for the sake of everyone who knows me and has had to put up with my sour moods and reflexive pessimism.

The only glimmer of hope I’ve had in the past few weeks — a time in which panic was the background radiation that polluted my every thought and paralysed my very soul — was the video of Romney’s 47% speech captured by a waiter / waitress who worked at the fundraising event in full view of the politician accusing almost half of the population of laziness and fecklessness. In The Dark Knight Rises Bane is finally defeated by Selina Kyle, who has previously masqueraded as a waitress and is obviously not a woman of means. Wouldn’t it be perfect if Romney — a man motivated by a barbaric ideal, but who tells lies about his allegiance to the poor and aspirational — was also brought low by the actions of the otherwise ignored “help”?[21]

Return 1. As I have done occasionally in the past, I’m going to discuss Rand’s ideas in a blunt manner, not because I’m obsessed with her (heaven forfend), but because her philosophy of Objectivism is at the core of Romney and Ryan’s worldview, and is responsible for a lot of the misery in the world right now. Also, she idolises the idea of larger-than-life characters, who exist almost as superheroes within the berserk, dystopian worlds she wrote about. Rather than compare Batman to some kind of Nietzschean ideal of humanity, it seems timelier to look at him through the Rand lens, especially as The Dark Knight trilogy deals with themes of economic warfare, behind-the-scenes manipulation of the world, and men who transcend the weakness of their minds and bodies to become greater than the riff-raff.

Return 2. I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again; the most powerful moment I’ve ever experienced in a cinema was seeing The Dark Knight in New York, and hearing a cathartic roar of approval and defiant joy from the audience as Tiny Lister throws the detonator out of the ferry window. Nothing will ever top that, I think.

Return 3. Also, stupidly, Rush Limbaugh accused the movie of trying to create some kind of link between Bane and Romney’s Bain Capital. As I’ll get to in this piece, I’d say Bain Capital could easily have been run by snidely Daggett, while Bane could arguably be more aptly compared to Rush himself, inciting hatred and violence and calling for the destruction of many of the things that make America a civilised nation.

Return 4. I know that by daring to suggest that Assange’s supporters are acting like crazy people right now will draw fire; some friends of mine who have written about the subject have been attacked and accused of being CIA stooges (!!!!!!!!) for doing so. So I have two things to say to anyone who tries that with me. 1: If you think Wikileaks is the torpedo that flies down the exhaust port and blows up the Death Star of capitalism and corruption in one swift move, and not just a useful tool for campaigners to turn the dial of societal morality a little closer into the green, then you are deluded and need to stop watching so many movies where a single act by a single person can stop an evil Empire. And 2: try that hostile shit with me and I’ll delete your insults before they even show up on this site. This is a moderated blog and I police it with an iron fist of not-approving-comments-that-annoy-me. Your freedom-of-speech isn’t as important as my freedom-to-not-have-to-listen-to-misogynist-horseshit-from-hysterical-and-immature-dickheads because believe me, there’s enough of that everywhere else on the Internet and I’d like this corner of it to be a respite from that despicable fuckery, thanks.

Return 5. It truly is a rousing finale, even if on first viewing the majority of the film seemed to be a mechanical manipulation of characters and emotional elements in order to justify the 30-minute suspense/spectacle blow-out. The second viewing fixed that, and I now see it as a whole that works well, but even in that cluttered, compromised first experience, my heart soared as Gotham’s police force charged Bane’s mob, and my fists clenched as the Bat struggled to avoid the Tumbler’s missiles in one of the most naturalistic and convincing FX setpieces of recent years. All hail the smart folks at Double Negative, who absolutely nailed that sequence.

Return 6. There’s a strong argument that The Dark Knight Rises is a superior film to The Avengers, and I’d certainly accept that TDKR is not only more ambitious but more successful in many ways. In my review of The Avengers I tried to get across that I didn’t think it was perfect, and further viewings have made those flaws even more obvious. But even though TDKR is commendably serious and thought-provoking, it’s the relative triviality of The Avengers that makes me think so fondly of it. No other big summer blockbuster in recent years has so succeeded in entertaining the audience, exceeding the viewer’s expectations and providing such “uncomplicated” and joyous fun.

If this sounds like I’m only praising Joss Whedon for creating a film that is better than your average Michael Bay / Stephen Sommers fart, it really isn’t. Creating something like The Avengers is in no way easy to do, and as if to prove that, the hit of pleasure I got from The Avengers was so pure and so intense that I’ve spent the rest of the year searching for an experience even a tenth as potent, and have been repeatedly frustrated as movie after movie stumbles in its attempt. TDKR, for all its considerable and glorious accomplishments, did not hit that sweet spot; a classic example of me splitting movies in terms of objective quality and emotional contact (the best movie I’ve ever seen is Kurosawa’s Ran, but my favourite is either Die Hard or The Matrix; both terrific films, but more traditionally praised for their entertaining elements than their profundity or artistic merit). The only film this year that got close to making me as ecstatically happy as Avengers was The Bourne Legacy, and if popular opinion is anything to go by I’m statistically alone on that one. ::depressed sigh::

Return 7. I like this take on the philosophy of the League of Shadows in a comment on a blog about the philosophy of The Dark Knight trilogy that I agree with a bit less but still think it worth a read. The thought of Batman as a force that opposes a group altering the course of history on a vast level is one that fits in with my take on the trilogy, which is more about empowering and inspiring the masses to take control of their own destinies, to raise their expectations of what society can accomplish and then act upon that uncynical vision; a goal espoused by Bruce Wayne from the first film onward.

Return 8. Many, but not all, but seriously many of the Tea Partiers I’ve seen talking about their goals appear to be Christian, or use Christian quotes to fill out their otherwise threadbare debating gambits. How oddly perfect that Objectivity, a philosophy written by an atheist and keeping at its core a blunt version of one part of the work of Charles Darwin, should find such traction with hardcore anti-generosity “Christians”.

Return 9. Perhaps the worst thing about this initial experience is that this happened even though I’ve come to despair of movies being picked apart for political reasons, with no concern for it on a pure storytelling or cinematic level. After months of seeing perfectly acceptable — or even exceptional — films or TV shows pilloried for the inclusion or exclusion of characters, scenes or even in some cases individual lines of dialogue, I swore I’d approach things open-mindedly as stories first, political messages second (and by politics of course I mean content that either furthers or restricts the causes of gender, sexual, racial and class equality, and it’s telling that my leftie paranoia about such matters means that I agonised over the order in which I put those four elements in case anyone thought I was diminishing any of them by putting one in front of the other).

And yet I found myself parsing The Dark Knight Rises for its entire running time, and basically broke my own rule and did everything arse-over-tit. Which is exactly why I have tried to resist this approach. I didn’t enjoy the movie on first viewing because it didn’t seem to fit in the boxes I wanted it to. Only by looking at the characters did I get anything from it, and even if I subsequently extrapolated from there and wrote a huge and basically unreadable blogpost littered with sixth-form political philosophy and sweeping generalisations, at least now I “own” the film, in the sense that it sits in my head as an event that generated an honest emotional response from me, and not a box-ticking rundown of political elements required for me to be able to feel comfortable liking it. I mean, I do that all the time anyway, but I have to get out of the damnable habit of analysing art for its acceptability and just meet the artist behind it on their terms in order to give it a fair shake before I strip it apart to see if I have to worry about being considered insensitive for liking something that has made the world worse for someone (like the mother who railed against The Avengers because of the “He’s adopted” line).

See also: Lena Dunham’s Girls, which has failed to satisfy everyone in the entire world and has therefore been treated like shit by a significant number of people even though it’s fantastic and I love it and think it’s the best new show of the year by far because it’s just so goddamned funny and honest and I’m genuinely sorry if anyone thinks I’m an awful schmuck for saying that but goddamnit nothing is perfect and expecting this show to be perfect is counterproductive and negates all of the things it does that are extremely positive in helping the cultural discourse change for the better. ::deep breath::

Return 10. Christ, I’m really going for it in this one, aren’t I? Sorry for all the bloviating and faux-profundity. I gotta get all this bullshit out of my head so I can get onto more productive things (like blogging about why I’m blogging less these days). This election and this goddamn film have made it impossible for me to get anything else done. If you think this post is ridiculous by now you should know you’re only about halfway through and it just keeps getting more hysterical. I won’t blame anyone for giving up here.

Return 11. And what a difference IMAX makes to this movie. It’s sad that right now the only filmmakers really trying to get the most out of this technology are Nolan, Brad Bird and Michael Bay, though reportedly JJ Abrams and Francis Lawrence will be joining this small group soon. Nolan’s use of IMAX to create scale and spectacle in The Dark Knight was easily the most impressive use of the format yet, from that first vertiginous shot out of a window during the heist to the breathtaking shots of Chicago and Hong Kong. The Dark Knight Rises takes this even further, with 72 minutes of overwhelmingly powerful IMAX footage shot by SoC favourite Wally Pfister. While much Dark Knight‘s IMAX footage looked down on Gotham, Dark Knight Rises — when not echoing those memorable shots in order to create a visual continuity — takes things to the streets, casting the city as a series of canyons, those verticals enhanced by the square shape of the IMAX screen.

Nolan chooses to place his protagonists on the ground, not underneath or above the city as with the previous movies, and those images bolster the theme of an underclass struggling to control their territory as towers loom over them on all sides. Nolan has spoken of TDKR as his epic, but where that great, epic artist David Lean controlled the horizontal with his 70mm lens, Nolan controls the vertical now. The result is scale mixed paradoxically with claustrophobia, a cityscape that hems in the populace and the police that fight for them, while the money men and superheroes who normally occupy the heights are forced to battle on our level.

Return 12. What a pleasure it is to see a trilogy that feels so complete, thematically and emotionally. My own trilogy, always referred to as #TheProject, is hopefully structured similarly: protagonist has a problem that needs solving and only ever gets to solve bits of it while creating further complications that sets him/her back until getting to a cataclysmic point where the solution requires a terrible choice that allows the person to transcend their obstacle and the limits of their original desires, helping themself and everyone around them. Too many trilogies are just three films shoved together: The Dark Knight trilogy is a textbook example of a perfectly structured three-part tale. Only the first three Bourne films come close to that. See? There I go talking about Bourne again. I love the Bourne movies, you guys, and the fourth one is fantastic SHUT UP NO COMEBACKS.

Return 13. The scene in which Alfred reveals to Bruce that Rachel was not going to wait for Batman to leave their lives is a devastating one, and in that moment I realised that my favourite character in this series is Alfred. His compassion and love for Bruce is so total and so perfectly expressed that to see it crushed here was almost unbearable. Even during my first flawed viewing the tears they did flood down my face as if t’were a veritable downpour of sad. Michael Caine might be a tax-avoiding mofo but bless him, he’s a true cinema titan and his work here is of an incredibly (but unsurprisingly) high standard. But then everyone is great here; I can’t fault anyone, especially a resurgent Christian Bale, who does fantastic work as a broken and beaten Bruce Wayne who gradually finds peace, and the amazing Anne Hathaway’s Selina Kyle; a much-needed spunky and funny presence in an otherwise dour movie. I’d even argue that Gary Oldman deserves an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor at the very least. His battle with his conscience is one of the most memorable things about this installment, and my recent realisation that he is one of our greatest actors is bolstered by the quiet pain and resolve displayed in his work here.

Return 14.  On first watch I misheard the name as Daggart, which was transformed by my conviction that this was an explicitly political movie into a portmanteau of Dagny and Taggart, the heroine from Atlas Shrugged. I still suspect might be the case, as Daggett is such a perfect embodiment of the reality of Rand’s most successful fans; the delusional power-hungry bullies willing to commit all manner of crimes in order to attain what they feel is rightfully theirs, who are utterly unable to comprehend how truly insignificant they are when compared to the forces that oppose them (the moment Bane puts his hand on Daggett’s shoulder is infinitely pleasurable). Catherine Shoard and many others might be right that Bruce Wayne is a member of the moneyed aristocracy of  America, and the fantasy that the rich are fixing the poor is a troubling one, but Bruce is at least willing to sacrifice himself for a greater good — something which no Objectivist would even consider — and is interested in building things like the fusion power source instead of merely acquiring companies and projects, which is what Daggett and Mitt Romney would do.

Yes, the idea of the benevolent capitalist is one that galls anyone who opposes this system, but honest-to-God, I cannot and will not apologise for thinking that a rich guy using the best years of his life to train to become the world’s greatest superninja before adapting military technology into a non-lethal arsenal which he uses to combat crime and injustice while patrolling the streets of Gotham on that beautiful beautiful Batpod is THE COOLEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN ALL OF FICTION so step off. See also: Tony Stark, Danny Rand, Oliver Queen.

Return 15. Funny that Ratatouille, another film that flirts with Randian ideas of self-actualisation, finishes with the speech from Anton Ego about how “an artist can come from anywhere”, and is resolved with an act that inspires others to find their own way. Perhaps we should be grateful to Rand for creating such a bleak vision in which selfishness and aspiration merge so completely, that we get filmmakers like Brad Bird and Christopher Nolan who are willing to get their hands as dirty as Batman, reaching into the muck of those ridiculous, massive books, extracting the uplifting morals which celebrate achievement while leaving behind the message that helping others is a moral evil. Not to mention all of the rapiness in there. Oh Ayn, you really went for it, didn’t you.

Return 16. The first fight between Bane and Batman is particularly clever, as we see Batman for the chancer he really is. He was always a visitor to Ra’s al Ghul’s world, the rich kid on a gap year. Yes, he became a supercool vigilante badass, but he wasn’t forged in pain like Bane, and seeing him try to use the tricks of the League to gain the upper-hand is pitiful and hard to watch, especially if you have a paralysing (ha ha) fear of spinal injuries like I do. Of course Bane then stupidly makes Batman follow his path, which creates a more powerful foe. Oh silly, arrogant Bane. Didn’t you almost have it all (all being a big mushroom cloud).

Return 17. Real talk: how fucking cool is Bane as a villain? Yes, perhaps he isn’t as shocking as Heath Ledger’s incredible Joker, but Tom Hardy and the Nolans have performed what I think is comparable to a miracle; they’ve turned the lamest and stupidest Batman villain of all time into a meme-generating popular supervillain that lingers in the memory, that generates real hiss-boo loathing in the audience, and then flips it all on its head, throwing in a last act moment of humanity that recasts everything he has done in a new light. I’d like to see anyone try to do a similar trick with Superman’s similarly punchy foe Doomsday.

Tom Hardy has become one of those actors whose presence is guaranteed to make me want to watch everything he’s in. He was the main reason I went to see Lawless last week, and he was predictably fantastic as “Fawrst Bawwwndrawwwwwnt, as he would pronounce it. His work as Bane is remarkable, and imitating his voice has been this summer’s most enjoyable game. And even though Hardy has explained that he was inspired by bare-knuckle boxer Bartley Gorman, I prefer the description of that comical voice by friend-of-the-blog Jimmy LeChase: Patrick Stewart as a hyper-intelligent parrot.

Return 18.  I’d swear it was Bane, not Grover Norquist, who said, “I’m not in favor of abolishing the government. I just want to shrink it down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub.” Of course the only thing left to replace government is business, and as Leonard Pierce notes here, Romney is running for CEO of America, and there’s nothing good that can come of this idea.

Return 19. If you think I’m a little crazy to go to these lengths to defend the not-even-slightly-socialist-but-still-invested-in-inspiring-a-conversation-about-reshaping-society-for-the-better TDKR as an uplifting call to arms for the defence of a modern world that’s broken and malfunctioning, I’d rather gather up my yelling-breath to preach this rallying cry from the nearest mountaintop than let the dissembling creeps at Breitbart’s site claim this movie for their own side. There are obviously many arguments for and against this movie as a right-/left-wing message movie, but I honestly think the compassion shown by many of the characters immediately invalidates this as a Tea Party text.

Bruce Wayne sacrifices the identity of Batman (in TDK) and leaves Gotham (in TDKR) because he thinks his presence will make things worse, or hold people back from taking on his mantle and looking after themselves (which suggests a libertarian or anarchist bent to the tale, depending on your persuasion). In Atlas Shrugged John Galt leaves society in a snit because the nasty people don’t wuv him enough and he’s just so dang wonderful that he knows his absence will make people call for him to come back to show them all how powerful and righteous he looks in his sci-fi Slacks of Superiority, like the fuckwit teenager who believes his friends when they say you have to treat women mean to keep them keen; Galt’s choice betrays Objectivism’s laughably immature self-pity. While both The Dark Knight trilogy and Atlas Shrugged run on similar tracks, they’re both heading in completely different directions, with Batman as a figure of inspiration and John Galt a wank-fantasy for “self-made men” who didn’t fucking build it all, okay? They just fucking didn’t no matter how many times they say it, those myopic braggarts.

Return 20. Though I strongly believe I’m really only as angry and worried about all this as Samuel L. Jackson is. I just can’t help it. This happened four years ago and I went through a similar meltdown, constantly refreshing Salon, HuffPo, Slate, DailyKos and Andrew Sullivan’s page (KNOW HOPE!!!!) for constant updates. It’s awful. Daisyhellcakes is rightly sick of me fretting about this. If this post gets me to calm down IRL, it’ll be worth it, even if no one reads all of it, which I suspect will be the case.

Return 21. Well done! You made it to the end. I wish I could give you a cookie or some Optrex eye wash or something. Now celebrate finishing this descent into my metaphorical navel and go watch a movie. It’s better for your soul and your psyche than reading fucking blogposts, even when they’re not as redundant or laughably late-to-the-party as this one.

The 2010-2011 Caruso Awards: The Worst New Characters of the Year

As I said yesterday, there were very few good roles for actresses this year, but even more annoyingly, there were plenty of bad ones. It’s the usual thing; most shows need a shrewish nagging wife to make things hard for the male lead, or some sexy bikini-clad hottie to titillate (poor Grace Park in Hawaii Five-O, spending even more time in her smalls than Daniel Dae Kim), or they have little to do and are only there as a signifier of gender issues — e.g. Boardwalk Empire‘s Margaret Shroeder wasn’t terribly written, but she did seem to ping-pong between two differing emotional states, all the while standing in for oppressed women everywhere. As the year wore on this list looked like it was going to be all women; that really scared me. I’m not a misogynist!

Thankfully a lot of the shows I watched in the last couple of months provided some truly terrible male characters, but nevertheless, it’s troubling that this was the case. A momentary blip? Or a consequence of Jeff Robinov’s infamous statement that Warner Bros. wasn’t going to make movies with female leads any more? Probably not the latter, but I like to bring that up as often as possible, that a moneyman in charge of a studio thinks there’s no audience for movies with a female lead. It’s not the quality of the movies; come on, it’s gotta be the broads putting people off, man. SMFH.

So yeah, here’s some more hate. Apologies for complaining about the number one choice here again, but honestly, that character is one of the worst errors of judgement ever made in TV drama. That it happened on Jane Espenson’s watch seriously depresses me. I don’t blame her for any of it; partisan of me, yes, but I just cannot believe she wasn’t overruled a lot on that misbegotten project.

10. John Pope – Falling Skies

There’s a case to be made that Pope is actually the best character on Falling Skies. He’s certainly the only character played with any sense of fun; kudos to Colin Cunningham for avoiding the mogadon gas that seems to have been pumped into the set. Nevertheless, he’s just there to fill the gruff badass slot that shows seem to have these days; the same as Gawain in Camelot and Kyle Hobbes in V. It’s a thankless role, because no matter how long his hair, how broad his performance, how “dangerous” he might seem at first, you know the cowardly alien invasion show will do all it can to soften the character for primetime viewing. And so, after just a single episode, the vicious bastard who killed one of the 2nd Massachusetts’ numerous African-American redshirts (seriously, the black actors on this show needn’t bother clocking in at the start of the day; they’re little more than cannon fodder), and who led a band of bastards so bastardly it’s made pretty clear they repeatedly raped the only woman in their ranks, is quickly given the task of being camp cook. He’s not so bad after all, you see, because he knows about herbs and stuff. Not long after that he’s bonding with Noah Wyle’s youngest kid. Falling Skies‘ central, enormous disconnect is most transparent here; the idea of the show is meant to be bleak, and its treatment uncompromising, but instead what we get is a sanitised slice of cowardice that satisfies no one. Pope could have been a modern day Ham Tyler. Instead he’s a declawed Wolverine. I dread the inevitable crying fits he will have in season two.

9. Lumen Pierce – Dexter

SoC wants to be very clear here; any dislikings here are not aimed at Julia Stiles, who does superb work as the vengeful rape victim who teams up with Dexter to hunt down and kill a group of extremely nasty scumbags. Her work elevates the show in much the same way as John Lithgow did as season four’s Trinity Killer, with the bonus that her naturalistic take on the character provides an interesting contrast to the cartoonish performances around her. It’s Lumen herself who is the problem. For all of the interesting character moments throughout the season — her initial disastrous impulsiveness, the conflict between her urge for revenge and her fear of it — she still ends up leaving in the finale as much for franchise-supporting convenience as anything else, which once more shows up the programme’s mechanical nature. Once the season is done, the guest star leaves. Knowing this is how the show operates, much of the season feels like a waste of time; she won’t be around soon, so why invest in her? She’s just yet another character drafted in to give Dexter something to bounce off, one more twisted mirror to reflect an aspect of Dexter’s “complex” persona which amounts to nothing in the way of change or growth. Add to that her damsel-in-distress function for hero Dexter, and you have the most frustratingly almost-awesome character of the year.

8. Sophia – The Event

Though the second half of NBC’s Sci-Fi Frustration Engine was tighter than the first, the radical reboot that got us to that point had some negative repercussions as well. The afore-mentioned resemblance to 24 was the most egregious, but worst of all was making Sophia the Wussy Alien into Sophia the Unbelievably Cruel and Evil Alien in the space of an episode. In the first half of the season the “leader” of the aliens was an ineffectual loser whose words carried zero force; the regularity with which her subjects disregarded her orders or basically just fronted on her became a running joke. The showrunners were obviously aware that they had created someone with all of the moral authority of an oven glove and killed off her son in one of the most interesting episodes of the season. This was enough to turn her into a badass hell-bent on killing millions of humans. That’s inconsistent at worst, promising at best, but sadly the showrunners had cast soft-spoken Laura Innes as Sophia. When playing a compassionate alien she was fine. As a potentially genocidal vengeance-crazed villain? Not so much. The disconnect between the initial conception of Sophia and her eventual turn was the killing blow for the show.

7. Ilsa Pucci – Human Target

In the first season of Fox’s generic action series, Chi McBride was cast as Winston, the witheringly sarcastic but level-headed partner of protagonist Christopher Chance, fretting about the legality of their operations but always coming through in the end. By the final episode of that season, their friendship was well-established, and that perpetual panic was rendered obsolete. Come the second season, and for some reason he was still being dismissive of his partner’s abilities, but this time he plays second-fiddle in the chide stakes to new benefactor Ilsa Pucci. While Winston has concerns based on his understanding of what his colleague is involved in, Pucci is an outsider who perpetually stresses out about the legality of their actions, and spends most of the episode being a McKee obstacle; fine if the show didn’t already have someone in that position, but untenable here. Indira Varma is – as ever – utterly charming as the innocent caught up in the shady goings-on, but the character is a terrible drain on the show’s energy. Even more frustrating, a mid-season attempt to deepen her character is squandered almost immediately, before we get into the usual sub-Maddie-and-David romance bollocks in the last few episodes. Of all of the ideas behind the show’s unsuccessful revamp, Pucci’s redundant introduction was the worst.

6. Odin Sinclair – Caprica

Admittedly there’s only a bit of screentime given to lecherous monotheist Odin Sinclair, what with Caprica being ripped from our hearts by Syfy as they attempt to purge their schedule of, you know, sci-fi. Which is fine by me; he represents the only upleasant spot in the final run of this magnificent show. He’s a great representation of Caprica‘s unorthodox characterisation. There’s barely a single character in this show that doesn’t defy categorisation; they all feel like recognisable humans, filled with contradictions and weaknesses and flaws. And so Odin is a slimy little opportunist who uses a Lacy Rand avatar for porn purposes, smokes space weed like an intergalactic beatnik, and then somehow manages to actually seduce the real Lacy Rand as some kind of awful bonus. Horrible that the writers would do that, but I guess his tiny rebellions and doofus-cool are realistic. He’s the show’s bad boy, and at least does better than the similarly-creepy but far-more-dead Philomon from the first half of the show. So if he’s such a cleverly-drawn character what is he doing on this list? Well, I reckon I’m allowed to stick at least one character on here just because I just can’t stand them, even if that character is intentionally awful and given some compelling qualities. Oh Lacy Rand, you can do a lot better than this sleazy little hipster schmuck.

5. Stephanie Powell – No Ordinary Family

Rowan Kaiser of the AV Club wrote a great piece about No Ordinary Family‘s conservatism, a right-wing viewpoint perfectly encapsulated in the character of Stephanie Powell. Her power is superspeed, a gift that Barry Allen and Wally West would use to travel through time or pass through solid matter. Hell, even Heroes‘ Daphne used it to steal things. In No Ordinary Family, for the most part, Stephanie’s superspeed gives her the ability to get all of her chores done quickly. This is a character written to be smarter than almost everyone else in the show, a scientist researching the mysterious plant that gave them all superpowers. And yet this is merely a “Strong Female Character” get-out clause, her intelligence practically added by default as there needed to be a scientist in the main cast and her husband Jim is written to be an emasculated child whose arc from dope to hero is more important than her actualisation. And so, instead, Stephanie just races around, hoovering and making dinner and lunch for her navel-gazing, lazy family of odious self-regarding jerks, just like a good housewifey should. That’s when she’s not a relentless Claire-Dunphy-esque buzzkill, nagging her nigh-invulnerable super-strong husband to stay home so he doesn’t get hurt, because the presence of whiny behaviour from women in bad TV shows supersedes logic. Man, fuck this show.

4. King Arthur – Camelot

Okay look, in the long game for this show I’m sure Arthur was meant to become a kingly king, a man who leads men, the ruler who unites the lands of Albion, searches for the Grail of Christ and fights the forces of the evil Morgana le Fay, and how better to begin this monumental arc than by casting the guy who looked like he was suffering from tuberculosis in Tim Burton’s magical screen version of Sweeney Todd. SoC has nothing against Jamie Campbell Bower; his rendition of Johanna in Todd is quite lovely. Nevertheless, it’s hard going watching this wispy-bearded incarnation of Arthur, who seems completely out of his depth at every step. It’s a version of the myth that sees him improbably capture the hearts of his followers despite looking like he’s going to burst into tears throughout, but no amount of swords pulled from waterfalls are going to convince the audience that he’s worthy. If they really were planning to toughen him up over the course of the show, they would have needed about 20 seasons to realistically get to that point. The show’s insistence on making Merlin the guiding hand means the central character is little more than a puppet. He does have some agency, at least, but unfortunately his act of rebellion against his mother and medieval consigliere is to stalk and pester Guinevere, all the while whining at her about how much he loves her and why don’t you love me back I’m totally the king cuz Mr. Merlin says so waaaaaahhhhh. Basically, he’s me when I was fifteen. No one followed me into battle when I was a teenager, so why the hell should I believe that anyone would pledge allegiance to this fey twerp?

3. Nelson Hidalgo – Treme

Last year SoC gave its prestigious Worst Character of the Year award to Treme‘s Sonny. Who could argue with us that the barely-talented, energy-sucking, self-pitying creep didn’t deserve his place at the top of the list? Well, David Simon for one. Okay, he didn’t respond to us specifically. Such was the furore about Sonny that Simon mentioned it in one of his customary defensive and self-aggrandizing interviews, bitching out fans for not waiting to see what character magic he weaved with Sonny in the future. And, to a certain extent, he was right. Sonny has struggled towards respectability this year. I’m sure that this year’s addition of opportunistic braggart Nelson Hidalgo will yield some interesting narrative further down the line, but as with Sonny, the main problem, above and beyond his obnoxious personality and forced bonhomie, was that he was painted as such a broad villain, an almost comically corrupt individual whose worst crime is almost his patronising cultural tourism, that all the audience can do is stare in disbelief as the air curdles around them. Treme can be very subtle, and it can clang like a struck anvil. This year, the sound of that anvil was a wheedling cry of, “Cuz, cuz, cuz!” Don’t let the rusted storm door hit you on the ass on the way out, Nelson.

2. Maggie Young – Rubicon

Perhaps it was Rubicon‘s mid-season change in direction that left Maggie the pouting PA so lost and aimless. Certainly the early episodes hinted that Maggie would be interesting even if only as the woman who betrays our hero in a femme fatale style, a possibility hinted at by her vampish demeanour and heavily-stressed sexiness. In that case we can blame the second showrunning team for not finding anything for Maggie to do for the majority of the season. Rubicon‘s biggest novelty — and arguably its greatest weakness — was its insistence on depicting workplace drama at such length. When the usual flirtations and power plays were enacted against the sinister espionage backdrop, the contrast was entertaining. Maggie’s problems – feckless husband, unrequited love, guilt over her early betrayal of Will – were played against nothing compelling, which meant they were just bog-standard plots lifted from other stories. With nothing to do Maggie just hovered in the background, mouth slightly open in a perpetual expression of cluelessness. Was she meant to be the show’s Joan, sultrily swishing through the American Policy Institute corridors like a sexy panther? Or was she just a loose end that no one could tie up? Whatever her initial purpose was, by the fifth episode she was a drag on proceedings, and merely got more useless. Rubicon ground to a halt whenever she appeared; a problem on any show, and deadly on something as slow-paced as this.

1. Oswald Danes – Torchwood: Miracle Day

In this terribly angry post, SoC expressed its opinion about paedophile Oswald Danes at great length, stressing our disbelief that anyone in any writers’ room on the planet would think that adding a convicted child rapist and murderer to your show was a bonus. This wasn’t a Todd Solondz, Happiness moment where that nice Dylan Baker plays a paedophile as a thwarted, lovestruck criminal and plays with your expectations. That was truly provocative storytelling. Adding a child rapist to a dim-witted sci-fi action show can only be worthwhile if something is said, or some idea is explored.

I think the idea here is that humanity will embrace someone awful if they are the beneficiary of a miracle, thus showing how easily gulled we stupid humans are in the face of the impossible, or that the media can manipulate our opinion about absolutely anything becase we’re such sheep, even though the media doesn’t seem to be any better at this than the paedophile himself as the show goes on. Whatever the point meant to be made here, Oswald Danes was meant to die in the first scene, at the very moment the polarity of the… thingy (this is as technical as the explanation in the show) is reversed using Jack’s blood, and he didn’t. So he is the new messiah. But no one thinks this about any one of the hundreds of thousands of other survivors that should have died at that exact moment. Eh?

And so Oswald just hangs around for a few hours, making some speeches and doing this weird leering thing with his distorted face as if someone keeps shoving invisible turds under his nose, getting into fights because he disgusts people, or being treated like a compassionate visionary because he knows how to manipulate people into liking him, depending on whatever garbled point is being put across that week. Of course this means he joins the long line of Torchwood characters with no coherently thought-out personality, who are merely introduced into the story to get the narrative from point A to point X through sheer bloody-mindedness, and not through the traditional storytelling method of depicting recognisable human beings acting with consistency and agency and propelling the plot through actions that reveal something about themselves.

If I were to be generous (which I’m in no mood to be, to be honest; it’s been a crap day thus far), Torchwood exists as a counterweight to Doctor Who‘s relentless positivity about the potential and wonder of humanity. This show is all about making a very strong point about how terrible and venal and mundanely evil we are, though it has yet to even once dramatise this point in a convincing way. And before anyone cites Children of Earth, please don’t. The characters in that series bore so little resemblance to humans that it might have well been set in the Tubbytronic Superdome. Any potential connection between their behaviour and ours was stretched to breaking point by their improbable and hysterical evil.

In that sense Oswald Danes is consistent with previous Torchwood characterisations, but if you take a step back and try to look at him objectively, you see that he was an experiment gone horribly wrong, a story device added without properly considering what he was meant to do. As such, he wastes the viewer’s time. That’s bad enough, but he’s also a paedophile. You put a child rapist in your show, RTD, and he served no purpose. There was no story told here, no allegory or examination of morality or even plot mechanics. His presence in the show is like an enormous stinky shitstain wiped across the franchise. In all the time I’ve been writing about TV, I’ve never seen any decision as wrongheaded and ill-intentioned as this one. It’s an idea whose time will never come.

Okay, one last post. I feel like I’ve given birth to a litter of extremely large and angry babies. This blog should have asked for an epidural.

Listmania ‘10! Miscellaneous Movie Observations: Part One

In the interests of not writing off-puttingly long 5000-word blogposts any more, my Miscellaneous Gubbins post has been split in two. The next one will feature more pictures than words, I promise. Also, apologies for relying on personal anecdote while talking about these movies. These are the films that don’t quite fit on my best and worst lists, movies that are not perfect or utterly imperfect, but fit right in between. They all have something to praise, or to criticise, and the level of enjoyment I got from them is often sadly linked to subjective experiences from either before or during my time with them. Hence, my clumsy authorial presence splattered all over this page like emoticons in an email from your mom.

Best Remake of the Year: The Karate Kid

When The Karate Kid won the weekend box office over the heavily plugged A-Team remake, I was befuddled. The remake of John G. Avildsen’s fondly-remembered-but-not-really-that-good coming-of-age tale seemed like a mindless low-rent cash-in, as lazily made as most of Jackie Chan’s US movies, while A-Team seemed at least to be making an effort. After seeing both, the depth of my error was made clear. Joe Carnahan’s shouty adaptation was not without its fun moments, but mostly it missed the mark, mainly by overestimating the appeal of Bradley Cooper and, sadly, Sharlto Copley. (N.B. I like Copley, and think he does a good job of mimicking Dwight Shultz’s original incarnation of H.M. Murdoch: the problem is that that character is not as amusing as you might remember. If you stumble across repeats on multi-channel TV, prepare for disappointment.)

Harald Zwart, on the other hand, helmed an indecently entertaining reworking of the threadbare Avildsen original, helped by Christopher Murphey’s clever tweaking of Robert Mark Kamen’s original script. The key to its success is the relocation of the story to China: placing protagonist “Xiao” Dre Parker in a new and unfamiliar country is far more effective at providing an alienating motivation than moving Ralph Macchio from one American city to another, and the cultural differences between Americans and Chinese are skilfully played up without veering too far into over-familiar avenues. It also makes the movie look distinctive: the location shooting is some of the best of the year. Occasionally it wanders into travelogue territory, but it’s never less than a fascinating window on contemporary Chinese urban life, even if there is likely some inevitable pro-tourism white-washing going on.

Best of all is the considerable emotional charge within: kudos to Zwart and his main actors Jaden Smith and a never-better Jackie Chan (seriously, he’s never hinted at being able to convey the emotional turmoil he does here). Treated with a potent mixture of solemnity and playfulness, the movie skips through its considerable running time with welcome momentum, building to a thrilling final half-hour of emotional revelation and cathartic resolution. It would take a truly stony-hearted person not to feel a thrill of emotion during Xiao Dre’s final battle. If every overrated movie of the 80s was remade this well, perhaps there would be less complaint about how there are no new ideas out there.

Worst Remake of the Year: Edge of Darkness

Regular readers will know that I tend to go easy on Hollywood product, partly due to long-standing fondness for populist cinema, partly as a corrective to the relentless negativity about mainstream culture from some cineastes who are unable to allow that there is any form of value or artistry present in such commercially funded baubles, and partly because I genuinely do think some “blockbuster” movies are properly thrilling, especially when seen as part of the expansion of cinema’s storytelling toolbox. Sadly, Martin Campbell’s second run at this tale is just the kind of thing that makes even a soft touch like myself despair of Hollywood’s distrust of anything even vaguely challenging. It’s especially frustrating as Campbell and writers William Monahan and Andrew Bovell often make a pretty good fist of things: I call this the worst remake of the year, but really it’s just the most exasperating.

Almost anyone who has seen Campbell and Troy Kennedy Martin’s original BBC mini-series will know what an amazing achievement it was: an emotional journey as well as a politically relevant story with an epic sweep. Its ecological message was timely, but that doesn’t mean to say it isn’t any less relevant today, which is one of the reasons why it’s so sad that the remake jettisons that plot in favour of a “topical” conspiracy tale about manufacturing bombs and making them look like they were made by Al-Qaeda. The BBC series’ focus on looming ecological disaster generated a frisson of cataclysmic terror even if the drama didn’t go in for apocalyptic histrionics. The movie is more interested in depicting Mel “The Gentleman’s Gentleman” Gibson’s grief over the death of his daughter: fair enough, as that was a key factor in the success of the original, and this is only a two-hour movie with a greater need to find one point of focus, but Edge of Darkness 2 is not really doing anything that hasn’t been done before.

Basically, there’s no room for the weird here, and even if the intensity of Gibson’s grief is depicted with skill, it’s the details that are missed. There’s no way we’re going to have a “vibrator” moment in something this streamlined, and Ray Winstone’s Jedburgh is no match for the unforgettable oddness of Joe Don Baker in the original. The true killing blow has to be the absurd final scene. No spoilers here, but the mawkish daftness of it is an insult to the poignant final image that played out behind the credits of the series. For everything this version does right (such as casting “Dependable” Danny Huston as the bad guy), it does about 5.6 things wrong. It’s a missed opportunity.

Disappointing Movie of the Year: Machete

Man, I was totally psyched about this movie for so long, so imagine how miserable I was when it turned out that the invention displayed in the hilarious trailers was stretched so thinly over an hour and forty-five minutes. Planet Terror was perfectly weighted in the truncated version that ran as half of Grindhouse, cramming huge amounts of disjointed madness into a punchy 80 minutes of fun. I’ve not yet seen the extended version, but if Machete is anything to go by, I should stick with my memories of the original. There’s still much to love in Machete, especially the continuing resurgence of Mighty Jeff Fahey, but well before the final battle rolls around, my patience was at an end. Sad that this advert for iced tea is almost more fun than the movie it’s based on.

Surprising Movie of the Year: A Nightmare on Elm Street

Initial responses to the Platinum Dunes remake of Wes Craven’s beloved original were so negative it was hard to expect more than a misguided and cynical failure. Perhaps it’s just low expectations that led to me enjoying Samuel Bayer’s gloomy and depressing revisit, as well as a smarter and more respectful script by Wesley Strick and Eric Heisserer than was necessary. It’s obviously no match for Craven’s eccentric and creepy masterwork, but as these modern retellings of “old” horror classics are so often phoned in and obnoxiously boisterous that an attempt to make something quiet and moody — albeit punctuated by grisly murder — should be noted.

The best move was to make Freddy Krueger less campy (though his awful jokes remain) and focus on what he really is: a disgusting and depraved monster who preys on children. His taunting of his victims is sickening and plays on the mind far more than the silliness of the later installments of the original series, to the point that the movie veers very close to tastelessness. Changing Krueger from a child murderer to a paedophile who is now killing his former victims during their dreams is a brash and unpleasant move, but it does maybe make the movie work on a new level, as a metaphor for the difficulty in healing horrific psychic wounds that flare up in later life. As I ponder it I go back and forth on whether or not this is an exploitative move too far. Nevertheless, it lingers in the mind longer than you’d expect: some scenes were still bothering me several weeks later. Recommended, hesitantly. (See also Breck Eisner’s well-played and bleak remake of Romero’s The Crazies, which was an early surprise in 2010.)

Overrated Movie of the Year: Monsters

Arriving on a tidal wave of positive word from festival screenings, and breathless talk of director Gareth Edwards being the next big thing, how could I not see it? Anything that expands the sci-fi genre has to be worth hunting down, and the frankly stunning Red camera photography shown in the trailer made it look like the most beautiful movie about aliens made this year. Well, it actually was the most beautiful monster movie of the year, but also the most inconsequential. Unlike District 9, to which Edwards’ movie is compared on a regular basis, Monsters has little to commend it other than its impressive low-budget production values. Though yes, much praise is due to everyone involved for making something so visually compelling on such a small amount of money, and Edwards needs garlands thrown at his feet for getting off his arse and making something this technically accomplished and ambitious. It’s a genuinely monumental achievement.

Nevertheless, it’s also a sci-fi movie that doesn’t even need to be a sci-fi movie, and merely serves as an indicator of critical opinion of the genre. The existence of the monsters is, for the most part, a MacGuffin just to keep these two self-absorbed ninnies together as they trek through pretty scenery and encounter “local flavour” during their travelogue ramblings. Only the final monster scene has some purpose other than to have a big effect in it, and even then it’s only tangential to the real will-they-won’t-they “plot”. Perhaps if you buy into the love story at its core Monsters is a moving experience, and certainly I’ve been told by many people that the slowly developing affection plucked their heartstrings, but if you find these guys as insufferable and tedious and annoying as I did, then no amount of off-camera grumbling sound effects will hold your attention.

And yet, despite the thinly sketched characters and the lack of event — plus lots of mood that pleasingly flows from the screen like dry ice at a Spinal Tap concert — critics have fallen over themselves to point out that this is superior to other sci-fi as it’s about real people and not effects. Fine, whatever. Sci-fi does not require effects. Well done for spotting that. However, all stories need something — anything — besides an A-to-B structure to qualify as a worthwhile journey, and Monsters lacks this. As for the “real people”, yes, our heroes are like people in that they have torsos, limbs and heads and don’t run around shooting things or running away from explosions in slow motion, but what we really need in a movie is a pair of “characters” who contain multitudes. Instead, we get cyphers: he’s a bit of a dick who becomes slightly less of a dick, she’s getting married to someone offscreen and then she isn’t getting married to someone offscreen.

I’m not asking for McKee to swan in and add subplots and emphasise clunking arcs and second/third act transitions, etc. I’m just asking for some content to go with the lovely atmospherics. No critic wants to go out of their way to praise a genre movie: even the mainstream raves for Inception made an effort to paint the sci-fi elements as the brainy stuff Nolan puts in there to look smart like some big NERD or something haw haw.  Monsters gives them a get-out clause, as it’s about a “worthy” thing, about “people” and not spectacle (funny that the spectacle is the best thing about it). It’s about “love”, and so is deserving of praise. Because love is nice, and sci-fi is usually about robots or the helium-coated moons orbiting the gas-giant Zootrong or alien impregnation or something. Ew, icky. But look! They’re in love! Like in real life!

When Richard Linklater made Before Sunset and Before Sunrise — two other movies about people wandering through a foreign land — he  joined with Julie Delpy, Kim Krizan and Ethan Hawke to create arguably the most fascinating, complex couple in recent cinema history, two smart and funny people whose chemistry sparked and whose conversations flowed with wit and insight and personality, and whose relationship and affection grew organically and realistically. Edwards has made a movie about two people who don’t like each other, and then do. But with aliens. Call me a stupid cynical asshole if you want, but that’s really just not enough. (Disclaimer: I can’t wait to see what Edwards does with Godzilla. A more ruminative take on that classic character would be very interesting.)

Underrated Movie of the Year: Predators

And now I shall praise a big splashy sci-fi movie featuring alien hunters and lasers and macho men fighting! Hoorah! I am a philistine! And proud of it. Predators isn’t about love. It’s not about emotion, really, other than fear and gritty determination. It’s got little insight into humanity, and it features big action setpieces involving running through jungles and firing mini-guns at trees and stabbing things to death with knives. It’s gory and loud and fast-moving and has McKee structures and everything. It’s the polar opposite of Edwards’ sedate love story, AND I LOVED IT!

Which is not to say it’s art, but then, neither is Monsters. Predators is a sequel to a sequel, it’s about nothing more than not getting killed in space, and it’s mostly about bombarding the eyes and ears with spectacle. That’s all. But it does all of that with such verve, and sly narrative trickery, and good performances, that it achieves what all movies should: it sets out to do one thing well, and it exceeds its goal. And yet it was dismissed by mainstream critics (predictable) and genre-friendly critics (surprising) alike. Again, perhaps low expectations played their part. Nevertheless, what I saw was a punchy, well-paced and surprisingly smart actioner that easily matches the absurdly entertaining original.

The casting helps. Adrien Brody does a shockingly good impression of a tough guy as “The Tough Guy”, aided by equally committed performers as Topher Grace, Alice Braga, Mahershalalhashbaz Ali, and the magnificent scene-stealing acting colossus that is Shades of Caruso favourite Walton “Shane Vendrell” Goggins. Even more so is the peculiar casting of Lawrence “Also An SoC Favourite” Fishburne as the crazy survivor of a previous hunting round. Fishburne’s fidgety paranoia plays interestingly against his usual gravitas-laden personality, creating a pleasant disconnect that keeps the movie flowing through what would otherwise be a mid-movie lull. Perhaps that’s the best thing about Nimrod Antal’s movie: it moves at a clip, keeps you guessing, and places its key showdowns at exactly the right moments.

No, it’s not “art” and it won’t “fulfill” you like the sight of two photogenic people going from point A to point B with the odd well-shot glance of something resembling an emotion, but it will give you space-boar rampages, multiple canny references to John McTiernan’s original action-horror classic, Adrien Brody with his shirt off, Danny Fucking Trejo, some well-conceived last-act surprises, and a Yakuza enforcer with a katana facing off against a Predator in a samurai duel. A YAKUZA ENFORCER WITH A KATANA FACING OFF AGAINST A PREDATOR IN A SAMURAI DUEL! Monsters can’t even begin to compete. Predators can rip out its skull and spine and turn it into a nice trophy, for all I care.

Critically Acclaimed Award-Winning Movie That Almost Sent Me To Sleep: Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives

Remember what I said about being a philistine? Apichatpong Weerasethakul’s mysterious… something or other won the Palme d’Or, and came garlanded with ecstatic praise from critics I respect and trust. It should have knocked my socks off, but instead I was wrapped in a confusing fog of baffling symbolism. Upon escaping it, I was left utterly bemused and — most crucially — utterly unmoved and intellectually isolated. Much has been made of Weerasethakul’s facility with mood, and certainly there were moments where hazy atmospherics held the attention, but these moments were not enough to make up for the frustration I experienced as I tried to parse the obscure events depicted.

Maybe I thought about it too much. Maybe I should have let it flow over me. Maybe I would have been able to surrender to Weerasethakul’s vision if I saw anywhere other than the ICA, which is the home of fidgety women scribbling on rustle-paper notepads directly behind me in a miserable room heated in the middle of winter by a tiny tiny radiator hidden behind a chair near the perpetually open exit. When the last baffling image faded, I dragged my consciousness away from the theta-wave mire it had almost fallen into and scoured the Internet for the meaning of these symbols, assuming that my ignorant ass was just in need of a quick primer on Thai culture or Buddhism that would unlock all of these mysteries. But no. Instead it seems that Weerasethakul’s symbolism was specific and meaningful only to him.

That’s great for him, and I’m not saying it’s not a valid way to make a movie, but I’m not that interested in watching his large-scale doodle-pad/dream diary get brought to life. It’s not put me off catching up on seeing his other movies — which I hope will be more comprehensible, less alienating — especially as there were truly wondrous moments in Boonmee that rocked me in my seat: not just the dread-soaked images of the monkey ghosts emerging from the darkness with their eyes blazing red, but the outrageous catfish sex scene, and the descent into caves that turn into a glittering starscape. It’s apparent that Weerasethakul has a unique directorial eye and ear, enough that I desperately want to be on board with him. However, this was not the movie to do it.

I’m not gonna get into a debate over who is to blame for my inability to bond with this movie: Weerasethakul for selfishly making a movie with the express intention of making audiences feel stupid as an act of cultural warfare, or poor, blameless me who was fooled into spending money to see this film instead of donating it to a puppy charity. Whoever is at fault, the fact remains: of all the cinema experiences I’ve had this year, seeing Boonmee was one of the most frustrating and boring. Even more so than seeing Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, which I was convinced would blow my mind but ended up alternately thrilling and annoying me. Now, who shall I blame for that exasperating experience? Bryan Lee O’Malley? Or the pungent tramp sitting on one side of me, and the shoeless guy on the other side who kept creepily hugging his son throughout? ::sigh:: If only I could buy the right audience when I buy my ticket.

One last one to come! If my shameful praise for base Hollywood confectionery hasn’t put you off, dear reader.

How We Waited Out The Election

Only now, as the smoke clears and the euphoria dies down, do I realise how much the wait for November the fourth had turned my mind into a stagnant pond, a Moebius strip of re-thought thoughts, cognition turned into a chore thanks to the insane worry over something I literally had no control over (at least Canyon could vote, an act that made her justifiably happy). Two days later, and look at me! I’m all florid and shit, like what I was previous, like.

During that interminable wait, we tried to keep ourselves occupied and not just keep reading the same four websites (though we enjoyed it all) and getting even more obsessed than usual with The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Our efforts bore some pleasant fruit (the cherries and strawberries of the week) and some disappointing fruit too (mangoes, sharon fruit and unripe bananas, metaphorically speaking).

Burn After Reading

I had high hopes for this after the excellence of No Country For Old Men had erased disappointed memories of the previous four Coen Brothers movies (yes, I’m not crazy about O Brother, Where Art Thou? or The Man Who Wasn’t There), but it was frustratingly slight. Being more of a fan of their hyper-weird comedies than their dramas, with The Big Lebowski at the top of my faves list and Raising Arizona close on its tail, I was hoping this would be similarly unhinged and frenetic, but instead it was like Fargo with more jokes, which is a problem considering I don’t really like Fargo that much. At least, not as much as many seem to.


Of course, mid-level Coen Brothers movies still have a lot to recommend. Almost all of the performances were great (though weirdly Malkovich did my head in with. His. Stilted. Fucking. Line. Readings. And. Laboured. Fucking. Profanity.), with special kudos to the ever-wonderful Frances McDormand and Richard Jenkins (who broke my heart). That said, why did they bother casting Tilda “Goddess” Swinton for a part that had about twelve lines? Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than happy to see her on screen in any capacity, but she seemed ill-served. Here’s hoping she becomes a Coen repertory player and turns up again, except with something to do other than be annoyed with the men in her life.


Even with that cast, the film never seemed to come alive, though the central point, that of lampooning the arrogance and solipsism of a bunch of self-regarding twerps who think their pitiful lives have some greater meaning, when in fact all they are little more than a bunch of horny morons, was beautifully done, perhaps even more so than the previous times they have tried to make that point (No Country, Fargo, The Big Lebowski, etc.). I’ve had more fun thinking about the film than I did watching it. That said, Brad Pitt is a better comedic actor than I thought possible.


I’m grateful to the Coens for proving that.

Quantum of Solace

Casino Royale is possibly my favourite Bond movie since On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, leapfrogging over The Living Daylights, The Spy Who Loved Me and Goldeneye, but poverty has delayed us going to see the latest movie. Instead I’ve been rewatching this over and over again.

We might still see it this week, once I’ve sold a kidney, following the wonderful news that Vue Cinemas have instituted over-18′s only performances for people who don’t want to put up with hordes of little shits treating cinemas like the local bus depot. A black man is elected President of the United States and a cinema chain (in our home town, no less) finally realises moviegoers have been staying away because of the behaviour of a bunch of oiks, all in the same week? This truly is the golden age of civilisation. Speaking of which…

Civilisation Revolution


If anything stops me blogging, it will be this game. In its previous manifestations it was already the greatest game ever made (yeah chess, thass right. What have you done for me lately?), but now it’s less fussy, faster paced, and filled with endearing silliness. Canyon has been forced to put up with my wasting hours on the hellishly addictive thing, so much so that I’m now responding to her conversational gambits with a reflexive “Follum follum!” If you’ve played it, you know what that means.

Tropic Thunder

It’s taken us way longer than we would have liked to see Ben Stiller’s attack on Hollywood, and it was not even worth the wait. Despite the odd great moment, the whole ambitious exercise falls flat with upsetting regularity. Though Robert Downey Jr.’s performance is just as amazing as we had heard, he didn’t actually seem have anything funny to say, and we ended up laughing at Jack Black’s cold turkey shenanigans instead. Stiller’s original concept for the film is hugely appealing, but the execution of it just didn’t seem to click at all, with the plot drifting along from one lengthy and ultimately unfunny scene to another, seemingly without direction or purpose. It made Zoolander look like a tightly plotted Preston Sturges movie (I say that as a fan of Zoolander who thinks it sometimes ambles when it should be sprinting). While Adam McKay’s movies mostly come alive in the editing room, this never takes shape, and no amount of amusing scenes with Tom Cruise dancing and swearing can save it. Dispiriting stuff, though I’m hoping to see a longer cut soon that might justify that brilliant idea, and maybe even give Jay Baruchel and Brandon T. Jackson something to do other than be straight men. Zoolander got funnier with each viewing, so maybe something similar will happen here, though I doubt it.


Compare that to Pineapple Express, which we watched again, and is now, definitely, my favourite comedy of the year. Considering it’s a stoner comedy it’s built with the same care that Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg lavished on Superbad, progressing with logical beauty from scene to scene with only a couple of moments at the end of the second act that show they love their McKee a bit too much. It’s not a deal breaker at all, though, and the Hot Fuzz-style genre mash-up of the final act is even more satisfying second time around, with kudos going to Rogen’s repeated declarations of, “Nice!” whenever anything goes his way (such as the hilarious respawning machine guns in the underground lair).


In comparison, Tropic Thunder looks like a first cut mess, something you would show to a studio head to reassure them that the money is on the screen. How talented individuals like Stiller, Etan Cohen (partly responsible for the magnificent Idiocracy) and Justin Theroux could botch this is beyond me. The latter name is especially troubling. My previous excitement at his participation in Iron Man 2 has withered completely. Let’s hope he’s better off without the improvisational scenes between the leads that appear to have derailed the film so badly.

Justice Society of America by Geoff Johns and Dale Eaglesham

Is this the best comic on the market right now? In terms of superheroism, perhaps it is, though of course it has been great since Geoff Johns jumped onto the title early in the previous incarnation. Johns is always great value (especially lately; he’s on fire), but JSA is better than ever, making me retroactively like Kingdom Come more than I originally did. However, the main reason is…





…OMG Hawkman is a TOTAL BADASS. Trust Goody-Two Shoes Jay to get in his way though.

Hunger

Turner Prize-winning director Steve McQueen’s meditation on Bobby Sands’ hunger strike has been damned by some of the UK press for daring to portray the Republican struggle in a noble light, which is hilariously inappropriate as that is absolutely not what the film is about at all. While, yes, it is set in The Maze and follows Sands’ strike from conception to death, and while it shows in horrific detail the back-and-forth mental and physical combat between the imprisoned IRA soldiers/terrorists/politicians (delete as applicable) and the guards, it’s pretty much an abstract exploration of what art is. Prisoners daub the walls of the cells with shit, flood the corridors of the prison with urine, and, eventually, stage a protest that turns their bodies, as depicted by McQueen, into a time-lapse photo of living, breathing decay. Even the poster shows one of the “paintings” by a prisoner (a nod to previous Turner Prize winner Chris Ofili?).


This is, as far as I can tell, the one reading of the movie that explains the peculiar structure. The first third of the film concerns a new prisoner (Davey, played by Brian Milligan) learning the ropes of prison life and the protests therein via his cellmate Gerry (Liam McMahon), the middle third is the much-debated conversation between Sands (Michael Fassbender) and his priest (Liam Cunningham) about mortality and politics, and the final third is an impassive, minimalist depiction of Sands’ lengthy death with Davey and Gerry disappearing from the movie altogether. Bear in mind, except for the middle section, there is almost no dialogue, with only a minimal amount of verbally communicated information giving background on what is happening. There is barely any character development, but then that’s not what the film is about. It’s about their acts, their attempts to say something with little more than their bodies as the conduit of their emotion and rage. Much of what they do has little effect. The shit paintings are blasted away and the urine is washed up in a shot of audience-patience-defying length. Only the deaths of the hunger strikers seem to have any effect, though that is relegated to a few title cards at the end of the movie giving a few nuggets of information about the subsequent years.


Getting angry about the movie for glamourising the strike (shurely shome mishtake; it’s nigh-unwatchable) or having a pro-IRA agenda seems wrong-headed, though I understand many people are never going to allow themselves to move on from those horrible years during the struggle. However, in the terms of the film, that struggle is less important than McQueen’s interest in the way the prisoners and hunger strikers express themselves, with the only scene that debates the details of the Republican battles and the morality of politicised suicide being the notorious static art/anti-art shot of a drab room and Sands and his priest smoking and talking for twenty minutes, which, while hypnotic and superbly played, stands in contrast with the bleak, almost silent beauty of the rest of the movie. McQueen seems to be staring into his soul and wondering why he is an artist, and how his art compares to something as drastic as turning the place you live into a hellhole using only the waste products of your body, or allowing yourself to be brutalised just to make a statement and to psychologically affect those who torture you. Isn’t art meant to affect the people who experience it? Isn’t making a person beat you to a bloody pulp the most extreme way to do that? Where does that leave McQueen and the rest of the YBAs?


Can you tell that I thought it was amazing? There’s a lot to digest (really, no pun intended), especially as it is attracting some fascinating debate, as in this excellent piece from Frieze magazine. It’s definitely on my end of year best film list, and strongly recommended for anyone who can handle the body horror.

I’m unsure as to whether admitting that I spent the last couple of weeks doing all of that in addition to habitually checking on Obama’s progress makes me look more or less sad. I could lie and say I also went sailing, if that helps. Of course, now we’re waiting for his press conferences as if they were episodes of Friday Night Lights, as we tuned into CNN last night to see him talk about getting a shelter dog (which made Canyon almost swoon) and expressing condolences over a journalist’s damaged arm (which almost finished me off). Compared to that slavish devotion to the President-Elect, acting like a couple of lovestruck groupies, six hour marathons of CivRev almost look cool.

Gaia Preserve Us, It’s Still Happening!


Thanks to the miraculous nature of the internet, with its digital doohickeys and quantum doodads that I have no way of understanding due to being about 89 years old, a copy of the original draft of M. Night Shyamalan’s The Happening (at that time called The Green Effect) has fallen into my hands. I was looking for clarification on a line of dialogue from the film that I have been making fun of, otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered, having heard that they were very similar and therefore there would be very little point in reading something that has already appalled and amused me earlier this week. However, I was in for a shock. The original script, and original vision of Shyamalan’s, is simultaneously even more silly and yet more coherent from a storytelling standpoint, and therefore a far more satisfying project. However, instead of cheering me up, knowing that my suspicions that there was a potentially interesting approach to the story were well-founded, I’m actually angry. We were sold a lemon from a guy who had promised us a sleek supercar, and yet actually had that supercar lying around spare and ready to give us but figured we would prefer the lemon instead. No, Mr. Shyamalan, I wanted the supercar! You can keep your citrus fruits, thank you very much. Anyway, here is a description of the supercar, and why it is better than the lemon. (I’ll stop with that stretched metaphor now.)

————-More spoilers right here—————–

In my previous post I railed against a lot of things, such as the weird negativity of some of the characters, the cutesy character quirks, the unsatisfying ending, etc. etc. I’m not kidding when I say the film just seems to stop, with the Happening coming to an end at a specific time, just as Elliot (Wahlberg) and Alma (Deschanel) walk out into a field with an innocent young girl just so they can get a hug. Such nonsense. In the sense that Shyamalan seems to be mimicking Spielberg’s War of the Worlds, with global events being shown through the eyes of a bystander who gets lucky (though Tom Cruise’s character still gets to be a hero at the end, one of the many things I don’t like about the final act of that film), I get that ending, but it still feels like a cop-out.


Now I find that for some inexplicable reason, Shyamalan has ditched the original ending, which might have made audiences laugh, but would have at least been coherent. In The Green Effect, Elliot’s ruminations on the mood ring that connects him and his wife are absent for the majority of the film, though he throws it out at the end, while talking to her through the slavepipe (I don’t know what else to call it). Again they are hiding from the Gaia-toxins, but in this version of the film, in addition to the plants being triggered at first by huge groups of humans and then by smaller and smaller groups as the film progresses, it now gets triggered by other things. At one point it seems that Gaia might be angry at someone for using an electric saw, though it’s unclear what Shyamalan is getting at; a shame as otherwise it’s a very well-written piece of work.

Trapped in separate houses, Elliot re-woos his wife, who has been trying to divorce him throughout the film (because he feels too much and seems to be reckless whereas she is panicky and unable to open herself up), and upon mentioning the mood ring and how he can’t remember the colour of love, he realises that the last trigger for the toxins is individual moods. The crazy lady – who is not as batshit in this version, sadly, though she does have a cool-sounding Room of Crazy filled with Revelations-style nonsense – has just been affected and is wandering around stabbing herself with a crucifix (seriously), and Elliot realises she was targeted as she is filled with negative energy, whereas he is filled with love, and would therefore not be targeted by the plants. He gambles on this by walking out, and Alma, now convinced by his display, walks out as well, and is not killed either. There is a suspenseful moment where Elliot seems to walk backwards, but he is just thinking, apparently, which makes me think the whole walking backwards thing is just there to make this moment work as a shock event. Unfortunately, any horror created by this moment would be utterly destroyed by the big reveal moments later, as he realises what the mood ring colour of love is; green! Gaia is love! ::hugs tree::


Okay, so that sounds increeeeedibly goofy, but if that had been included in the final film, it would explain the inclusion of a lot of weird stuff that makes no sense. The random hostility of some of the characters, Alma’s isolation, Elliot’s optimism, the insertion of a really horrible woman at the end, that bloody mood ring; it’s all there to justify the final scene, with Elliot and Alma becoming reconciled, and that reconciliation being the thing that saves their lives. While I can imagine audiences all over the world throwing their hands up and screaming, “You’ve got to be kidding!”, at least it’s an ending. The one that got filmed is utterly unsatisfying. We get to see Alma and Elliot reconciled, but we get no idea why. Because they got lucky and she thinks they have a second chance? It just isn’t convincing. The original ending, for all of its outrageous wishy-washy New Age sentiment, at least makes sense thematically. It was a huge mistake taking it out. Though really, all you need is love? That shit only passes muster in Ghostbusters II, and that’s only because the Statue of Liberty walks around after being filled with Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis’ lovegoop (if you’ll forgive the confusing visual that conjures up). Otherwise, having your heroes prevail because Gaia likes the colour of their auras and is a bit sentimental about wuv (despite killing nearly six billion people) is pretty hard to take.

To make things worse, there are other changes that ruin the film, and suggest that despite Shyamalan’s insistence on final cut, his vision was altered due to pressure from the studio. As the final budget was something like $60m, I get the sense that he had to take a big cut from what he originally wanted to spend, which would account for the localised nature of the Happening. In the original script, it happens globally, at the same time, which is far scarier. As some of the lines hinting at this are left in the film, it makes me wonder if those awful TV inserts of newscasters ineptly discussing the Happening were done later, as they are not well made and contradict some of the dialogue about the march of events (especially the train driver saying he can’t contact anyone).


That also makes the finale more effective. In The Green Effect Elliot is seemingly a history teacher (or anthropology teacher; I was unsure) instead of a science teacher, but has read a paper on plants responding to the threat of nearby ant populations by releasing ant-killing toxins, which seems to be the inspiration for the whole movie. The plants stopped once the ants population had shrunk to .00006% of its original size, which suggests that the shots at the end of The Green Effect, of shiny happy people around the world venturing out into a now toxin-free environment, means that Gaia feels it is no longer threatened by humans. I guess that means there’s only about a million people left on the planet. That makes a sobering kind of sense, not the vague ending with the first Happening being a warning that humans happily ignore, prior to Paris getting targeted, which leads to all sorts of confused guesses about the messgae of the movie. Perhaps Gaia thought Europeans would be more receptive to large-scale death; a comment on America being more steadfast in the face of threats, as opposed to France being more likely to surrender, according to silly insulting beliefs? I hope not. Stay classy, Shyamalan.

The Green Effect is also much more straightforward than the filmed script. No hotdogs, no “Use science, douchebag!” or whatever the line was, no calculus calculus calculus. I’m on the fence about whether that’s a good thing or not. I’ve got nothing against quirk, but this stuff, when delivered in the super-serious Shyamalan style, just seems risible. The only real character quirks featured in the original script make the main couple more likeable, such as Elliot’s insistence on carrying a guitar everywhere so he can chase his dream of becoming a musician, even though Alma thinks he’s being silly (Shyamalan makes sure to paint him as a pretty bad songwriter, a touch I respected). In The Green Effect, motivations that were mysterious now make sense, such as Julian’s (Leguizamo’s) bitchy comments to Alma, and if it had been filmed like that, it might still have been utterly goofy, but it would have been consistent. I just cannot imagine why the finished version had to be made the way it did, removing motivation and logic and replacing it with whimsy, obfuscation, exposition, and happenstance.


I guess Shyamalan was trying to make a movie that had a mystery to it, that didn’t hew so closely to potentially nuance-free McKee-style story mechanics, but what he created wasn’t a 2001-style curio that inspires reappraisal and alternate interpretations. It’s still pretty straightforward, but just has bits missing, bits that would add to the power of the story, not detract from it. It’s bad storytelling, and the only reasons for these odd decisions that I can think of are that Shyamalan was annoyed at executive suggestions aimed at him and his vision, and decided to arbitrarily excise relevant scenes and neuter the script in order to wreck his film as a fuck you, which really doesn’t sound like him, or he doesn’t have a good sense of what he is doing anymore, and got too close to the film to see the error of his ways. Either suggestion saddens me.

I’m not saying The Green Effect would definitely have been a better movie than The Happening, as we would probably still have had the bizarre performances of the leads, performances so odd that I wondered if they had been hypnotised the way Bernard Rose hypnotised Virginia Madsen on the set of Candyman (as shown on the excellent documentary included on the DVD). We would still have had the unscary shots of grass swaying; the script features funny directions such as “THE GRASS OBSERVES THE HOUSE”, which you just can’t film without it looking like you’re just filming a house in a field. We would still have the occasional outbreak of clumsy exposition. We would still have had the perplexing inability to generate suspense from a man who once seemed to be able to do it without effort. We would still have the awkward hypothesising of Elliot, which is awfully accurate considering he doesn’t really have any way to evaluate his suspicions. We would still have the walking backwards, which looks dopey. We would probably not have any gore. The original script is much harsher than the finished film, with more death, and more cinematic and brutal death at that (people packing their mouths and noses with dirt, or crashing their cars on a busy expressway, for example). The original vision for the movie was obviously one of a really gruelling emotional experience, one that would really hammer home the crisis facing humanity, thus strengthening Shyamalan’s message, but for some inexplicable reason he backed away from that. Studio interference? Or loss of nerve? Will we ever know?


Even after pondering it today I’m still not sure if reading the original script makes me feel better or worse about Shyamalan. I kinda liked it, and the movie that played out in my head could have been good, though with an ending that would have polarised the audience in much the same way as the end of Signs. I also don’t know if I would rather have had the possibly merely average and forgettable Green Effect, or the accidentally entertaining failure that was The Happening. I’d like to think I can get more pleasure from an average movie than a ridiculous disaster, but then I think about calculus, and about hotdogs, and about Betty Buckley losing her shit right into the camera, and I think, you know, pleasure is pleasure. I’m glad The Happening exists, and I’m glad that I’ve seen it.

And anyway, it’s not like it’s the worst film of the year. Cassandra’s Dream wins that particular award. Compared to that, The Happening is just fine. What’s more worrying is that Shyamalan had something promising in his hands, and squandered it. Will there ever be a moment where he takes stock of himself, listens to the advice of those around him, and sees that perhaps he can profit from the experience of others? I truly hope so, and look forward to a great Shyamalan movie further down the line or something even more bonkers and misjudged, just to be a dick.

Worst Movies of 2007 Face/Off! (Results)

If you’re wondering why the slight delay in this, it’s not that I’m really crappy with numbers, but that I’ve spent the past two days playing Guitar Hero III (until I got as far as Cherub Rock on Hard and gave up, weeping), Super Mario Galaxy (a masterpiece), and John Woo’s Stranglehold, which is not the best game ever made, but is the best gaming sequel to a legendary action movie masterpiece featuring Chow Yun Fat and cameo appearances by John Woo ever made, and as such is fully deserving of my time. As for the two movies, the scoring is as arbitrary as before, but with them I hope to give a sense of what watching both movies was like. Both movies are glossy and dumb, but only one will end up in my collection of bad movies.

I Know Who Killed Me

Cast: Lindsay Lohan: -7
Neal McDonough: -2
Julia Ormond: 1
Brian Geraghty: -4
Donovan Scott: -9
Paula Marshall: 4
Total: -17

A justifiably crappy score, with the professionals doing their best to keep things afloat while the director fiddles, and the amateurs running around putting even bigger holes in the boat. The filmboat. ::sigh:: Darn metaphors! All that said, bonus points for casting the likeable Paula Marshall in a smaller role. She’s been notoriously bad at getting a job on shows that don’t get cancelled mid-season or earlier, and I’m hoping that turning up in crud like this is the bottom of a curve and now her prospects will improve. Donovan Scott plays the sheriff of Bluetown, and though he’s only in a couple of scenes, he’s appalling, like a benevolent, Santa-like version of the sheriff in The Blair Witch Project 2: Post-Modernism Go Boom. Thank Crom Sivertson and Hammond had no idea what to do with the police, otherwise he would have been in it more.

Plot elements specific to these films:
Unintentional humour unsullied by nasty taste from subject matter: -4
Coherence: -1
Economical use of flashbacks: -1
Delivery of big audience-baiting moments: -6
Subtle use of motifs: -8
Avoidance of deus ex machina: 4

Total: -16

If you see this film, or have seen this film, then you know that that -8 for motifs is more than justified. There’s no need to go on about the colour scheme any more, or the fact that I found it hard to laugh at due to the sleaziness (though the robot bits of Lohan certainly kept us entertained, but I will add that for all the incompetence on show, at least the film had an interesting internal logic (when it eschewed the nonsensical flashbacks). It was a definitely interesting idea, and had been worked out fairly well, at least at the script stage. Can you tell I’m trying to find something good to say about it? Erm, the strip club seemed like it was run fairly efficiently?

Miscellaneous:
Originality: 2
Liveliness: -3
Enthusiasm for project: 5
Avoidance of cliche: -7
Unique Selling Points: 3
Production values: 3
Total: 3

Finally, some positive numbers! A particularly good one for enthusiasm, because I believe Sivertson thought this was the big ticket, the stepping stone into the big time, and tried very hard to make an impression, throwing in semi-nudity and torture and colour and sex and look at me look at me I’m making a big movie bigger than anything Lucky McKee ever did! Unfortunately, it’s crap. Still, again I have to take my hat off for the surprising payoff to the mystery.

I Know Who Killed Me overall total = -30

While Sivertson has managed to create a slasher thriller that has some kind of ambition, the sheer cynicism of it wrecks the project entirely. Who knows if Hammond’s script could have been salvaged if given to someone who knows how to hold back on the symbolism, not to mention thinking twice about casting someone whose real life does not bear up well to comparisons with the main character’s life. I just couldn’t get past the sleaziness of the project; casting Lohan might have seemed like a great idea at the time, but in retrospect it’s as if Sivertson and his cohorts were picking the last bits of dignity from the corpse of Lohan’s career. As I said before, I really do hope this is not the case, and she can make a comeback. And not wear blue. With her pale skin, it really isn’t her colour.

D-War

Cast: Jason Behr: -7
Amanda Brooks: -8
Robert Forster: 2
Chris Mulkey: -4
Craig Robinson: 1
Michael Shamus Wiles: -5
Total: -21

Dear God, where to begin? Only Craig Robinson and Robert Forster stand out at all here, and even then it’s a close call. Forster in particular is asked to do some pretty silly things (meditating in mid-air, comedically faking a heart attack, pretending to be a martial-arts wizard), and phones it in pretty badly. Behr and Brooks, however, don’t even manage that. Behr has zero charisma, and Brooks looks somnabulent, angry, frustrated, and disgusted with herself for getting the part. It’s a monumentally feeble performance. I guess she has very little to work with, and might have been directed to act like someone who had just woken up whenever Shim said action, but I don’t see why. As for Michael Shamus Wiles as Evil General, he was passably evil, in a pantomimey way. He was also okay at pretending to be in charge of a bunch of people. However, if the antagonist of your film is a big serpent, you really need to have a interesting human character to boo and hiss at, but he had no chemistry. You know, this film is so false and so empty it seems weird to judge it in this way. Did the actors hit their marks? I guess so. Did they fluff their lines? Not on the takes they used. That’s as much as you could hope for.

Plot elements specific to these films:
Unintentional humour unsullied by nasty taste from subject matter: 8
Coherence: -7
Economical use of flashbacks: -5
Delivery of big audience-baiting moments: 6
Subtle use of motifs: 0
Avoidance of deus ex machina: -9

Total = -7

I think it was fairly obvious from the fact that I wrote twice as much about this film that I enjoyed it much more than I Know Who Killed Me. I laughed from beginning to end, mostly because I couldn’t believe how inept it was. In a normal studio situation surely someone would have realised that the script was unusable, and have other writers come in. Here Shim was fully in charge with no oversight, and the result has to be seen to be believed. Robert McKee’s theories of storytelling annoy as many people as they delight, but this is proof that he’s onto something. Shim breaks almost all of McKee’s rules, not because he has mastered them, but because he has no idea what they are, and has merely cobbled together bits from other films and stuck them together in some kind of order that resembles the movies he’s stolen them from. As much as any writer should watch Chinatown or Casablanca (and my personal choice, Midnight Run), they should also see something like this, because it’s a total failure, primarily because of the non-plot. Still, the big action scenes, the wow moments he built everything around, are wonderful. I may have hated most of the plotting and acting, but when a pilot pulled out a gun and started shooting at the dragon hanging off the side of his helicopter, I went a little crazy with excitement. Only some poor effects and filming ruin it, but still, for a dragon fan, it’s the nuts.

Miscellaneous:
Originality: 0
Liveliness: 3
Enthusiasm for project: 5
Avoidance of cliche: -6
Unique Selling Points: 4
Production values: 6
Total = 12

For all of his ineptitude, Shim (seen here impersonating Ricky Gervais) knows how to cover his back with some actual talent. He hired Bruckheimer/Bay regular Steve Jablonsky to handle the soundtrack, and Mark Mangini to work on sound design (he did some great work on The Mist this year, in a monster movie two-fer). They do good work here, and it definitely helps Shim create the illusion that he knows what he’s doing, but even a little attention to what’s going on shows him up as a chancer. His previous movie, Yonggary, was such a catastrophic flop and disaster (after he promised to turn the Korean film industry into a powerhouse to rival Hollywood) that he had to get it right this time. Seems he figured he could do that by filming in L.A. with an American crew, which is a hell of a screw-you to Korean filmmakers. Anyone who has seen recent Korean movies knows there are some incredibly talented people there, and Shim should have been alerted to the fact that even when you take a holiday, you can’t take a holiday from yourself. Or something. What I’m trying to say is, Hyung-Rae Shim, your movies are always going to be shit until you fire yourself. Don’t blame the caterers. We can tell who messed up.

D-War overall total = -16

So there you go. I Know Who Killed Me gets the lowest score, so can be safely filed in the Awful Bad Movie file. It’s silly, it’s pretentious, it’s dreary, and it features some horrible performances from people who have a horrible aura of desperation around them that would sour you on the movie even if it wasn’t so nasty. D-War, on the other hand, is a big silly disaster, with film-student errors, egregious plotholes, Saturday-morning-serial acting, and a huge FX blowout featuring monsters fighting the military. If you watch it in the wrong frame of mind you might think I’m mad for recommending it, but watch it with a bunch of friends knowing full well you’re going to be watching a big turd of a movie, and it’s up there with Dreamcatcher and Albert Pyun’s Ticker. I hated it so much I loved it. And now, I’m going to see if I can find an Evil General action figure online. Wish me luck!

Holding Out For Some Heroics

If you’ve had a look at the Heroes talkbacks on pretty much most blogs and nerdsites throughout the internet, massive concern is being expressed about the second season. For my part, I think this season started off from a bad position, continued that lacklustreness, added some really really bad plots (Peter Petrelli and The Hoirish Ghangsterrs of Ineptitude is this show’s menacing mountain cougar plot, though sadly it’s been going on much longer than that memorable misstep) and has seemingly settled into a not very exciting groove. This week was okay, in that it’s neither getting better or worse, though the odd moment struck a nerve. Nathan’s SuperPhantom of the Opera moment with his mirror was great, but otherwise things were set to Uninspiring. (Man, Pasdar really should have kept the Beard of Depression. This shit is just wack.)


I’ve figured out part of what bugs me about the second season. In the first, even when the show was bumbling along with scene after scene of set up, there was some little moment each episode that was fricking cool. Nathan eluding Noah and The Haitian by rocketing into the sky, Peter and Matt’s telepathy setting up a painful feedback loop, Claire’s autopsy, Niki and DL fighting in Jessica’s bedroom; all of it was TV gold. This season, hardly anything has happened that has grabbed the audience by the genitalia like that. West flying a lot? Seen it. What else you got? A painting featuring a major character lying dead on the ground? Yawn! The only thing I can think of is Ma Petrelli putting the shouty brain zap on Matt. That made me laugh. Other than that, nothing.

Another thing has been bugging me, but it’s as much a criticism of all superhero movies and TV shows as it is about Heroes specifically. Tim Kring said he started this series thinking about making something about people who are heroes, and using the superhero genre to explore that made sense. But what heroic things are they doing? It’s all a bunch of internecine squabbling and assassinations between ill-defined factions within the superpowered community. Last year they saved New York, and I gather this year will be about saving New York from Maya’s DoomGoop, but other than that, these chumps are the opposite of heroic. By the way, Kring? Your Not-Wonder Twins? Brian Michael Bendis called. He wants the plot from Ultimate X-Men #41 back, thanks.

There were a few little heroic moments last year: Hiro and DL teaming up to save a car crash victim from an explosion; Hiro pulling someone out of the way of a crashing car; Claire saving someone from a burning train (in the first episode; you’d have thought that would have been part of the show template). Now it’s a bunch of secretive stuff about shadowy organisations, with the odd burst of power-usage. I get that it might be due to budgetary restraints, not just because of the effects stuff but just because having the heroes outed would lead to bigger stories involving a larger cast of non-heroes, but it still chafes.

It’s the same with other superhero shows or films. Some of them get it right, most notably Spidey’s nerve-wracking battle to save the train in Spider-Man 2, but also, for example, the Fantastic Four saving the London Eye (good work, Fantastic Four!) in Rise of the Silver Surfer, and Superman vs. the San Andreas Fault in Superman (or Superman vs. an underwater earthquake threatening to destroy Metropolis in Superman Returns). Superhero stories should revolve around more than just heroes battling villains. I mean, I love that, but if all you’ve done in creating an superhero world is have a hero/villain dynamic (because that’s the classic antagonist/protagonist struggle taught in writing classes), then the whole thing seems pointless, even if the villain has a plan to endanger the populace. It’s insular and dull, even if you occasionally have someone flying his girlfriend around the Hollywood sign (a pointless scene, but nicely done).


Daredevil, Elektra and Ghost Rider are all about the hero battling the villains, and you rarely, if ever, see them helping the common man. Even Batman Begins skimps on that. It’s not disastrous for the movie to lack this; Batman Begins and the first two X-Men movies are still great despite that flaw. It’s just something that seems to get ignored when writing superhero tales, perhaps because McKee says we’re supposed to focus on the antagonist and not extraneous miscellaneous characters. Sadly, those extraneous characters serve a specific purpose in superhero stories, and losing them because you’ve decided to slavishly follow the detail of a manual and not the spirit, (or you have no time left in your script to add this important detail) will just damage your movie.

As much as we like watching the uber-mensch beating the shit out of each other, it’s also nice to see heroes doing heroic things for others. The Spider-Man 2 scene is one of my all-time favourite film moments precisely because it does two things really well. It has Doc Ock and Spidey kicking the crap out of each other and using their powers creatively, and Spidey doing everything in his power to save the bystanders. Man, I choke up thinking about that scene.


Heroes, however, has totally lost sight of that. I’m sure the season arc will involve a threat so large that thwarting it will save many many people, but other than that the show is mostly about the plague threatening the heroes. I like some of the characters, and yes, a threat to the next stage of evolution is serious, but I’m more concerned with humanity. The masterstroke of X-Men 2 (possibly my favourite superhero movie, along with Batman Begins and The Incredibles) is that for the majority of the movie the threat is against the mutants, and a lot of energy is spent explaining what a bad thing that would be. Then, right at the end, the plot twist kicks in, and Magneto grabs the opportunity to try to wipe out humanity. It just comes out of nowhere and yet is totally in character. Awesome. I <3 Magneto.

The main arc in Heroes is about the heroes being threatened, and while that’s engaging, it’s not enough (see also X-Men 3, until the added-on peril of Dark Phoenix kicks in). We need to see more than just an arc where a minority of humans are in trouble, or a season-long arc where humanity is tangentially in peril due to out of control powers such as Peter’s, Ted Sprague’s, or Maya’s; we need our heroes to be heroes on a regular basis. Right now they’re just superheroes sitting around fretting about themselves and moping. That doesn’t sound like what Kring had in mind, and though it’s absolutely not a showkilling problem now, it will be eventually. And no, I’m not one of those people who complains that post-Watchmen superheroes are too dark. If they’re dark, let them be dark. That’s fine by me, but at least let them do some good while they’re feeling all Emo.


Still, I’m not going anywhere yet. Even a malfunctioning Heroes has its charms. Plus, this week did introduce the most entertaining new hero yet; Micah’s cousin Monica, plagued by Katrina montages and looked after by Uhuru, who has a seriously crappy family if the whiny nonsense she has to put up with in this episode is anything to go by. “Grandma, you’re stupid!” “Grandma, give me money!” “Grandma, open a com-channel to the Romulan vessel!” Poor Nichelle Nichols. Nevertheless, I remain psyched to see a living nerd legend onscreen again, just as I was when George Takei was on, and hey, it’s better than being stuck on Babylon 5, eh, Walter Koenig?