Listmania ’11: Performances Of The Year
Yet again my blogging schedule is thrown into disarray by what can only be described as a waking coma. A combination of night work, lack of sleep due to warring cats, and god know what else — probably some hex cast on me by some anti-blogging warlock — meant that last week I felt like I was trapped under a fog of confusion as thick as the thickest Greek yogurt. I’m not fully out of it yet, so this prologue might become a little off-kilter. Please bear with the blog until normal services are restored.
Not really much to say about this post other than that I’m watching a recording of the Golden Globes and seriously, this blog is more composed than this goddamn mess. It’s an uncomfortable experience made even more hard to bear by the fact that we’re watching it on the UK’s E! channel which has bleeped out every vaguely risque comment or mention of a product, thus rendering it unintelligible. Also in our favour; SoC hasn’t spent all year talking about last year’s Listmania as if it was easily the most shocking and daring blogpost of the year, and how we don’t care about the controversy it caused, and holy shit wait until you see what shocking jokes we’ve got in store for you this year; a build-up somewhat ruined by being followed with a couple of Kim Kardashian jokes.
No. We’ll be honest. This is merely a blogpost, one of millions. And yet we have our integrity, and our annual awards for Sam Rockwell and Michael Sheen, no appearances by Sofia Vergara’s Voice, and no awards for The Iron Lady. That, somehow, is enough. Please enjoy, and imagine them being read out in the voice of a slightly tipsy Ricky Gervais, punctuated by some cozy jokes about Johnny Depp and that faux-sneering thing he does to make out that he doesn’t really worship the people he is mocking (with, I’ll admit it, a bit of skill). The atheism is also implied.
Best Performance by an Actress: Tilda Swinton – We Need To Talk About Kevin
Honorable Mentions:
Anna Paquin – Margaret
Olivia Colman – Tyrannosaur
Jessica Chastain – Take Shelter
Carey Mulligan – Shame
Kirsten Dunst – Melancholia
Best Performance by an Actor: Michael Fassbender – Shame
Honorable Mentions:
Michael Shannon – Take Shelter
Gary Oldman – Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
Jean Dujardin - The Artist
Brendan Gleeson – The Guard
Woody Harrelson – Rampart
Best Supporting Performance by an Actress: Charlotte Gainsbourg – Melancholia
Honorable Mentions:
Jennifer Lawrence – X-Men: First Class
Anna Kendrick – 50/50
Ellen Page – Super
Déborah François – The Monk
Emily Mortimer – Our Idiot Brother
Best Supporting Performance by an Actor: Christopher Plummer – Beginners
Honorable Mentions:
Benedict Cumberbatch – Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
Sir Ben Kingsley – Hugo
John C. Reilly – Terri
Albert Brooks – Drive
Don Cheadle - The Guard
Best Individual Voice Work: Johnny Depp – Rango
Best Voice Cast/Direction: Rango
Breakthrough Performance by an Actress: Elizabeth Olsen - Martha Marcy May Marlene
Breakthrough Performance by an Actor: John Boyega - Attack The Block
Best Career Moves of the Year (Actress): Jessica Chastain - The Tree of Life / Take Shelter / The Help / The Debt / Texas Killing Fields / Coriolanus
Honorable Mention: Carey Mulligan - Drive / Shame
Best Career Moves of the Year (Actor): Michael Fassbender - Shame / Jane Eyre / X-Men: First Class / A Dangerous Method
Honorable Mention: Ryan Gosling - Drive / The Ides of March / Crazy, Stupid, Love
“See? I Told You He Could Act” Performances of the Year: Matthew McConaughey - The Lincoln Lawyer / Bernie
“Wow, He Actually Can Act?” Performance of the Year: Jake Gyllenhaal - Source Code
“My God, I’m Even Angrier About The Uselessness Of Gilmore Girls Now Because You Deserve So Much Better Than The Bog-Standard ‘Pathetic Best Friend Of The Protagonist Who Is Only There To Make Her Look Better’ Stereotype And Look What Happens When You Get A Chance To Let Your Freak Flag Fly” Performance of the Year: Melissa McCarthy - Bridesmaids
“Dude, Where Have You Been? This Is The Best Thing You’ve Done In Ages. Oh Man, I Really Missed You, You Know. Jesus, X: Men Origins: Wolverine Sucked, But I’ve Got No Hard Feelings And This Kind of Commitment To Your Craft — Enhanced By Your Effortless Charm — Is Why We’ll Always Have A Place For You In Our Hearts” Performance of the Year: Hugh Jackman - Real Steel
Scenestealing Actress of the Year: Kat Dennings - Thor
Scenestealing Actor of the Year: Stanley Tucci - Captain America: The First Avenger
Most Wasted Actress: Robin Wright - Rampart / Moneyball / The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
Most Wasted Actor: Walton Goggins - Straw Dogs / Cowboys and Aliens
Most Fearless Performance of the Year: Keira Knightley – A Dangerous Method
“Look, Can We Just Stop Acting Like He’s Some Anonymous Beefcake And Accept He’s Got Smarts And Range On Top Of His Looks And Is Actually A Very Charming, Committed and Talented Actor, FFS” Performances of the Year: Chris Evans - Captain America: The First Avenger / Puncture / What’s Your Number?
Best Cameo: James Franco - The Green Hornet
“Holy Shit, You’re Seriously Scaring The Bejesus Out Of Me” Performance of the Year: Pollyanna McIntosh - The Woman
“Please Let Him Become A Huge Star And Use His Clout To Bring Friday Night Lights To The Big Screen” Performance of the Year: Kyle Chandler - Super 8
“I Bet All Those Critics Who Used To Think You Were Nothing But A Pretty Boy Feel Real Stupid Now” Performances of the Year: Brad Pitt – The Tree of Life / Moneyball
“Now Can You Please Do Me The Favour Of Shutting The Fuck Up, Assorted Whiners Hiding At The Bottom Of The Internet Like The Tiresome Trolls You Are?” Performances of the Year: Kristen Wiig – Paul / Bridesmaids
Worst Performance by an Actress: Cate Blanchett – Hanna
Dishonorable Mentions:
Natalie Portman – No Strings Attached
Milla Jovovich – The Three Musketeers
Taylor Schilling - Atlas Shrugged: Part I
Julia Roberts – Larry Crowne
Blake Lively – Green Lantern
Worst Performance by an Actor: Jim Sturgess – One Day
Dishonorable Mentions:
Colin O’Donoghue - The Rite
Paul Rudd – How Do You Know
Ashton Kutcher – No Strings Attached
Henry Hopper – Restless
Grant Bowler – Atlas Shrugged: Part I
Worst Supporting Performance by an Actress: January Jones – Unknown
Dishonorable Mentions:
January Jones – X-Men: First Class
Lucy Punch – You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger
Lucy Punch – Bad Teacher
Juno Temple – The Three Musketeers
Lake Bell – No Strings Attached
Worst Supporting Performance by an Actor: James Corden – The Three Musketeers
Dishonorable Mentions:
Richard Coyle – W.E.
James D’Arcy – W.E.
Rami Malek – Larry Crowne
Rafe Spall - One Day
Ken Stott - One Day
Worst Individual Voice Work: James McAvoy - Gnomeo and Juliet
Worst Voice Cast /Direction: Gnomeo and Juliet
Actress in Most Dire Need of a New Agent: Naomi Watts - Dream House / You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger / Fair Game
Dishonorable Mention: Olivia Wilde - Cowboys and Aliens / The Change-Up / In Time
Actor in Most Dire Need of a New Agent: Jason Bateman - The Change-Up / Paul / Horrible Bosses
Dishonorable Mention: Ryan Reynolds - Green Lantern / The Change-Up
Actor/Actress Duo With The Worst Luck in 2011: Abbie Cornish and Oscar Isaac – Sucker Punch and W.E.
Performance Most Likely To Make Fans Think Some Consciousness-Altering Substances Were Involved Though I’m Sure That’s Not The Case And I’m Certainly Not Suggesting He Was As High As Voyager 1 When He Slurred His Way Through This Piece Of Shit: James Franco - Your Highness
“Hmmm, Okay, You Were Actually Okay This Year, And Thus Deserve Recognition And A Temporary Reprieve From My Usual Derision” Performances of the Year: Cameron Diaz – The Green Hornet / Bad Teacher
Most Entertaining Performance by an Actress in a Bad Movie: Andrea Riseborough - W.E.
Honorable Mention: Mindy Kaling - No Strings Attached
Most Entertaining Performance by an Actor in a Bad Movie: Anthony Hopkins – The Rite
Honorable Mention: Anthony Hopkins – 360
Most Bafflingly Busy Actress of the Year: Frieda Pinto - You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger / Rise of the Planet of the Apes / Immortals
Most Bafflingly Busy Actor of the Year: Billy Burke - The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 / Drive Angry / Red Riding Hood
Worst Cameo: Convicted rapist Mike Tyson, again – The Hangover Part II
“Where Have You Been?” Actor of the Year: Fred Ward - 30 Minutes Or Less
Best Accent: Chloe Grace Moretz – Hugo
Worst Accent: Anne Hathaway – One Day
Most Entertaining Acccent: Gary Oldman – Red Riding Hood
Most Disconcerting Accent: Jeffrey Wright – Source Code
Best Performance By Hott Sam Rockwell: Cowboys and Aliens
Best Argument For The Use Of Performance-Capture Technology And The Freedom It Gives To Actors Performance of the Year: Andy Serkis - Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Best Argument To Destroy All Performance-Capture Technology To Prevent Such A Crime Ever Being Committed Again Performance of the Year: Seth Green – Mars Needs Moms
“More Of This And Less Of This, Please” Actress of the Year: Rose Byrne (More comedies like Bridesmaids as she has a real gift for comedy, less dramatic roles like X-Men: First Class and Insidious.)
“More Of This And Less Of This, Please” Actor of the Year: Bradley Cooper (More dramatic roles in unexpectedly entertaining movies like Limitless, less fratboy bullshit in odious crap like The Hangover Part II.)
Hammiest Performance By Michael Sheen: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part One
Hammiest Performance By Chow Yun Fat: Let The Bullets Fly
Next up: crew contributions of the year. Best screenplay is a lock but I’m going back and forth on best director. Who will it be? #HitchcockianSuspense
2 Comments »
Leave a Reply
-
Who We Are
admiralneck
daisyhellcakes
masticateur
Shades of Caruso Mini-Blog- Listmania ’11! The Best Movies Of The Year December 31, 2011
Really like that Gore Verbinski video. I always assume actors record their dialogue for animated films separately, but that shoot looks like a riot, and a whole lot of fun. Also, Depp’s best work for AGES.
It really was, wasn’t it. It made it easier to get through Pirates 4, knowing that he wasn’t permanently robbed of his mojo, which kept me going until The Rum Diary (which I also enjoyed somewhat). I can’t understand why animated movies don’t work like Rango more often, but then the scripts are usually locked down way in advance I guess, while — from what I can tell — Rango’s was more fluid. Whatever the reasons, the result was magical. The more I see Rango, the more I love it.